Realizing what she was doing, she lowered her hand. It was pointless. This one wouldn't fare any better than the ones before it. A son dead before he drew his first breath, and two daughters, one carried away by those who wanted the things the Aiel possessed, and one carried away by one of the roving pestilences that seemed to cover the land. And last her husband, dead to her, though a man with his face walked among the following spears. Dead to her, and the child she carried, and he had not even managed to save her daughter. Another woman would nurse her scraped knees, and teach her the things a woman should know, another woman would hear her say "Mother", and "I love you."

Her gaze swept over the barren landscape in front of them. Dry, cracked earth, tall spires of stone that jutted up from the earth to point like accusing fingers at the Creator himself for letting the world be torn apart. Here it appeared that nature itself cried from the abuse those pitiable men had wrought while their madness held them prisoner, before they finally were granted the peace of death.

The peace of death, Light let it come soon, and end this waking nightmare of life.

A hand squeezed her shoulder softly, and she turned her gaze from the land. Isac looked at her with eyes full of compassion, and the promise of peace. He was a good man, but still full of the childish hope that at last they would find a place to plant the remaining chora seedling, and bring back the days when war had been an unknown.

She gave him a sad smile, and placed her own hand on top of his own. " Daughter, it is time. the Aes Sedai have called us all together, even the Lost. We must go and hear what they have to say."

Sarai nodded silently, and took the offered hand, lowering herself carefully from the wagon, her father's hand in the small of her back steadying her as she accustomed her legs to movement again after so long sitting in the seat of a bouncing wagon. They walked to the heart of the circled wagons, large enough to hold half again the number of those who had survived long enough to cross the Spine of the World.

The space was filled, and overflowing with the Lost. At least they had the decency to cover their faces. She made her way to a clear spot, and looked at the Aes Sedai. They were standing on the steps of one of the wagons so they could be seem by those gathered. Mordaine, appearing just into her middle years, and Narisse, who appeared older, if not by much. They were older, much older. They had been Aes Sedai before the world had been broken.

A cluster of nearly thirty young women stood around the wagon. They were all the Apprentices of the Aes Sedai. Sarai was confused, not understanding what was happening, and turned to ask the man standing next to her if he knew what was going on. She stopped when she saw a veiled face beside her, with her husband's eyes looking at her from a stranger's face.

She abruptly turned away, not wanting to be reminded of what she had lost. She would walk away, and hope he did not follow. She shifted her leg to take the first step when Mordaine began to speak.

" The time has come for the Jenn Aiel to travel unaccompanied. Narisse and I have looked this land over in the Dream, and we tell you that there are no people here to molest us. The Jenn must go, and prepare a place for the Aiel. The rest of you will make homes of what you find here in this land, and become more than mere wanderers. We will divide the herds, and seeds, so each group will have food to eat and clothing to wear. One of our apprentices will go with each group, to give you the wisdom we have given to them. Divide yourselves however you wish, but in ten days the Jenn leave, alone."

Sarai stood stock still, amazed at what she had heard. Others muttered to themselves angrily. Still others wept at the news, whether in joy or in sorrow she couldn't say. All she knew for sure was that there would be work to do, and too few hands to do it.

The days passed, and the Lost began to drift off in groups, until only one remained. The evening of the ninth day came and she saw Aybrim's face in her daydreams. She missed him more than she could say, but couldn't quite bring herself to mourn him. Lost was not truly dead, but it might as well have been.

Isac came to her fire and asked again after the preparations, then left to seek his blankets. Sarai sat staring into the flames for a while longer. Her mind refused to quiet. In the morning, they would begin to travel again, away from the memories. She thought about the day she had laid her bridal wreath at Aybrim's feet, and the look of wonder on his face when he picked it up. The birth of their first child, a daughter who had lived far too short a time.

Tears began to course down her face, and her shoulders shook with sobs she tried to suppress. " Wife, why do you weep?' A soft, familiar voice behind her asked.

Sarai's head raised to reveal red eyes and nose. " You have no right to call me that. I had a husband that looked like you, but he is dead to me now." She tried to keep her dignity, but a hiccup destroyed the attempt, and tears began to once more trace pathways down her cheeks.

"Leave the wagons, and come with me. We leave in the morning. I wish my wife beside me."

She shook her head sadly. " I am Jenn." He gave her a long look, then finally sighed. ' So was I, until something came along to change that. I love my family more than the Way. Why is it wrong to fight to protect those that you love?"

Sarai turned her head from him. " I loved my husband more than I can ever express. But he loved me less, and turned from the Way, leaving me to raise his child alone. A child I was never able to tell him of, because he was Lost before I knew."

He shook his head as if in denial. " I knew wife, you didn't have to tell me. I have eyes to see. What you didn't see was that I have done what I have done for you and this child. I will not stand and see your heart break again if i can prevent it. I will never let you be harmed again, even if it means letting you go. Goodbye, my heart. I hope you find the peace you deserve. Tell this child that his father loves him, or her."

One last look, as if to imprint her features into his memory, and he was gone.

The next morning, Sarai stood beside the wagon, looking back at the mountains. looking back on her life. She turned around, and saw the Lost making their way from the camp, heading North. Tears started falling again as the heat of the day began to beat down, and chase away the chill of the night. It didn't chase away the chill in her soul, knowing that she would never see Aybrim's face again.

Her father already sat in the seat of the wagon, preparing to head out. With a sigh, Sarai turned for one last look at those departing, and saw a lone figure standing alone, watching her. Her heart leapt, and she knew what she must do.

Swiftly grabbing a bundle of her clothing, a few skins of water, and the remains of last nights flat bread, she closed the door of the wagon with a bang. "Father," she called, " I am not going with you. I love you, but my heart cries for Aybrim."

She thrust herself from the wagon, moving toward the dwindling line of the Lost as fast as her waddling gait would allow. Aybrim trotted over to join her, a smile wreathing his face. " I was Lost, my husband. Now you have found me at last. In you, I will find shelter from the sun of this land, you will be the shade of my heart."