Derin crouched down in a low brush just at the edge of the dead forest. Even through tough mental training and the Void that filled him, the heat pulled the moisture from his body. A strange thought had then came to him, its winter still in the borderlands. Why the thought came to him, he did not know. Most times Derin forgot a whole other world bathed in the Light existed when he hunted in the Blight.

He sat there on his haunches staring out at the broken towers before him surrounded by the crystalline lakes. Staring out at the towers, old memories tumbled through his mind. He was here on a mission.... his survival skills in the blight were superb. But did he dare indulge himself in such reminiscing? With a mental shrug that hugged at the hollow emotional bubble within him, Derin thought back to the beginning.... when it all started. Before all the pain.

--

Derin smiled around the family room on that fine spring afternoon. It was his 18th name day and his father had bought him a real sword. He and his friends, Brand and Kamiel, had been learning the forms from Thane, an old man who used to be in the Queen's Guard. An old man's indulgence some people may have observed, after all, what would three boys from a small town like Four Kings have need of a sword. But it filled their time and gave the young lads a bit of mental discipline that Thane observed always that the youth of today lacked.

Derin's grin split his plain tanned face. His dull brown eyes lit with joy as he took a few practice swings with it. Though he had plain features, the exercises given by Master Thane had given Derin's body a grace that was uncommon in young men coming just out of adolescence, especially one such as Derin's short stocky nature. He was going to go further, when his mother asked him to stop before he hurt someone. His father beamed with pride at his son's sure swift movements, though one could tell through his eyes that he thought as the other town folk, what would a potter's son do with a sword.

Brand snickered; he had his 18th name day just a few days ago. His foster father, Derin's father, had given him the same gift. But this did not dull Derin's almost childhood enjoyment of such an adult present. He noticed Brand's snicker and gave him a wink in return. Brand was always acting like that, trying to goad others into anger. I would too if both my parents die in the service of the Dragon Reborn... he thought in pity.

But such hideous thoughts did not suit this occasion. Today he was a man, and his father had given him a sword. Motioning to Brand, Derin started out the door, both boys now had their swords strapped on to their waists. Sure, the whole town would either shake their heads at such foolishness or ridicule them for it quietly, but both of them knew that they would be the envy of every boy.

Once out the door, Brand spoke up, "I suppose we are off to show Kam the new sword." In his voice was a sort of resentment that had slowly crept into his voice since he had come stumbling into Four Kings roughly eight years hence. It was not present with just Kamiel as the subject...it was present when Brand spoke of all things during the last days of his teen years. But it was at its most scornful when he talked to or about Kamiel Al'alicard.

Derin didn't understand the rivalry in the two boys that had been the best of friends since the age of 10. They still enjoyed each other's company but they fought over any and everything. That led to Derin resorting to peacekeeper duties.

"Of course I am going to show Kam," said Derin as if there were no other options. Kam was the first to have received a sword by his father. This brought all kinds of jealousy from Brand, which Derin just shook his head good naturedly to. He had lorded it over the other two until Brand had his name day and received the sword as well. Derin slowly mulled it over in his head and came to the conclusion that it was a conspiracy of their fathers' and Master Thane that brought on such gifts.

Brand and Derin walked through Four Kings, not much bigger than most villages that spanned across the continent; it was a center of commerce as merchants traveled to Tar Valon, to Caemlyn to every other part of the world through the highway crossroad that he town was named after. As they had expect, men and women just stared at the two boys with disapproving glares at the swords a their hips. The town's boys ranging from the ages of five through fourteen followed them with envy.

Finally, the two, with their small following, had reached The Red Rooster inn, Kamiel's home and his father's business. Though Derin had come to show Kam his new sword, secretly he hoped that Alliana would see it as well.

Alliana was twin to Kamiel, but only in birth. Where he had the arrogance of a young man and the swift tongue of a quick temper, she was humble, quiet, and always seemed to have a peaceful serenity about her. Both siblings held their share of looks; in fact, Alliana was the object of most of the town boys' fantasies and crushes.

But it was Brand and Derin that had competed for her affections ever since they were old enough to notice girls. In this one thing, it was Brand and Derin that competed not Brand and Kamiel.

D in gave a slight mental grimace at the thought of having to compete for Alliana's attention with Brand; after all it was HIS name day. After all, Brand had his choice of the young women in town; they all seemed to dote on his and Kamiel's every action. But Derin had slowly figured it out a long time ago; Alliana was a symbol to Brand. Nothing more. Nothing more than a trophy for him to hold over both Kam and his heads.

The thought always brought Derin's anger to a slow simmer, but today was his name day. He was a man today, of marrying age. He had gotten a sword and if things went right, he would be walking with Alliana under the stars that night.

Before the two could enter the inn, the door burst open and Kamiel emerged. Sometimes, to Derin, Kam's presence seemed to smother. It was the aura of a leader, one that Brand coveted and Derin envied, which surrounded Kamiel. As if his shadow, Alliana followed Kam out the door, both of them grinning and greeted their friends.

"So you were waiting for us," Brand said slyly as he appraised Alli, as he had done so many times before, approvingly.

Kam grinned and deigned not to notice his friend's admirations of his sister, "Well, my Da told me Derin was getting a sword too. I wanted to be the first to congratulate him since I knew you wouldn't," with that said he clasped Derin by the shoulders. "Congrats"

Derin grinned, in contrast to Brand's scowl, "Its nothing really though to be honest it was a surprise. What use do I have of a sword after all".

Before Brand could respond with a snide comment, or Kamiel could defend Derin's right to the sword, Alliana gracefully moved forward. Playfully shoving Kamiel to the side, she leaned over and planted a soft sweet kiss on Derin's cheek, "Happy Name Day, Derin," she said with a smile that melted his heart.

Brand, of course, was seething. He hadn't received a kiss on the cheek on his name day. Alli couldn't have chosen Derin.... not over him at east. He was going to declare it so but again he was cut off when Derin spoke up. This seemed to be a day of irritation for Brand.

"T-thanks A-alli," stuttered Derin as he usually did when he talked to her. "I-I was w-wondering if.... w-well, o-only if you w-wanted to.... ummm.... w-well...."

"Oh Bloody Ashes, " Brand finally blurted out unable to contain his anger already. "Spit it out already." His anger had unwillingly made him mistake what Derin was going to say next. If he knew he would have asked before his stuttering friend could say the words.

"Alli would you like to take with me a walk with me.... to the night with me," rushed Derin, his breath a bit irregular, his speech sounding thick on his tongue and redundant.

Lighting the surrounding area with her smile she kissed Derin againon the cheek, bringing Brand's scowl to a murderous glare, "I would love that Derin" At that she ran back inside leaving Derin too stunned to realize that she had accepted.

Kamiel's face had split into a grin. All three knew that Kamiel had always believed Derin was the perfect choice for his sister. This was in no small part due to Brand and his rivalry. But his grin turned somber as he addressed Derin, "No funny stuff you hear?"

Unwilling to be cut off again Brand gave an abrupt laugh, "As if he knew what to do if she did give him the chance. Bloody ashes, sometimes I think he was born without the proper equipment."

Derin chuckled good-naturedly and Kamiel, though normally would have reprimanded, had decided to take Derin's cue and laugh made the insult a joke.

"Well then shall we go off to show Master Thane," asked Kamiel, his sword already on his hip. All three of them, their fellowship, who were still following them, made their way to the old guardsman's cottage on the edge of town.

--

Broom in hand, Derin rested his chin at the top of the long handle as he stared out the window and watched the gorgeous colors of e sun setting. Today had been a busy day. First with the gifting of his sword, then as he asked Alliana out for an evening stroll, then as he proved to Master Thane that he wouldn't chop off his own foot with his newly acquired sword.

Though it was a special day for him, he had to return home, though it was his day, he still had to do his chores. Derin lost himself on his chores that day as he swept, washed, and ran errands for his elderly mother. The whole time the sword stayed at his hip, the whole day his mother gave him a raised pointed eyebrow always commenting, "That sword will soon meld to your hip if you don't take it off".

Derin always smiled good-naturedly to her and continued on with his chores. Nothing could bring down his spirits. In about an hour he would be with her. Having finished his chores, Derin noticed that night had descended upon Four Kings and it was time.

An exquisite shiver raced down his spine as he hurriedly grabbed his cloak and flew out he door. All the anticipation, all the waiting for the long day to be over with was done. Derin ran, a body used to exercise and hunting moved swiftly through the streets until he came to the inn. He could see the common room's lights on and hear the laughter of regulars as they enjoyed a cup of ale or wine.

Derin's palms were sweating and his heartbeat thumped faster and faster in his chest, though not due to the exertion of running. Light, how was he going to act smoothly as he had seen Kam and Brand do so many times before with girls?

Moving with unsteady steps, Derin crossed the street to the inn and was frightened half out of his wits when he felt a hand lightly touch his shoulder. A brief yelp was replied with some knowing smiles as the few remaining people on the streets walked home.

Derin turned and an angel stood before him. Dressed in what could only be a feast day dress, Alliana stood with a radiant smile that only accented her luscious lips. Her tumbling br n locks seemed to cascade like a waterfall over one shoulder and her deep serene eyes were pools of blue that made Derin's breath grow ragged.

"Well, my good Sir," said Alliana in a musical tone, "would you mind escorting a lonely lady through town?"

This broke the ice for Derin. Grinning, he held out his arm for her to take, which she did and they both started walking down the street. The moon, full, and all its accompanying stars had come out casting their silvery radiance on the couple.

"Alli," Derin interrupted the silence, "Thank you for joining me in walking with me to umm well under the night. I mean stars"

Alliana laughed, causing Derin's heart to ache with joy at hearing it, "I should be thanking you silly. Of all the girls in this village it was me you chose to ask," she said with a wink.

Derin chuckled; they both knew that no girls chased him. "It's a beautiful night out," he said his words growing with confidence. They fell silent. Both ost in the other's presence, enjoying the night air. This lasted for a time. Derin realized that they had walked to the edge of town without their knowing it. "We should turn back."

"Actually, my Da will want me home. We have been gone a while." Derin looked up and saw the moon was half way to its zenith. How had time gone by so quickly? He cursed time itself, wanting to capture this moment for eternity.

"Ok let's start walking you..." His words were caught by a kiss. Derin's head spun, his heart leaped through his chest, his lips, stunned, initially were locked tight and rigid, until finally they melted into hers.

This had been a thing he had dreamed of all his adolescent life. Not to kiss a woman finally, but to kiss this woman. She was everything he wanted and she was giving herself to him.

Breathless, the two of them parted. Derin's face was a mask of wonderment and Alliana's was a mask of love for a man she herself had secretly wanted all those years as ell. He was not smart, he was not the best-looking boy in town.... but he was Derin. Everything that some would say was average about him collided together in the man to make the most wonderful man she had ever known.

Before tears of joy could come to her eyes, before he could say anything, she gave him one more peck on the cheek, whispered, "I will see you tomorrow" and she raced down the street towards her father's house.

It had happened way to fast. Derin's brain was still registering the night's events, even as his feet carried him back home. From the shadows of a building, two very jealous eyes shot murder, first at the girl who had teased him all those years, then at the man who stole what was his.

--

Derin woke up to shouts from the family room. He could not distinguish what was being said in the room both he and Brand shared. With a glance out the window, Derin surmised that it was just before dawn. His father and mother would have already been up starting t ir daily chores of he day before his father went off to work in his shop, which was adjacent to their home.

Pulling on his clothes and boots, Derin looked over at Brand, who was still dead asleep. He would sleep through an earthquake he thought chuckling. Moving slowly as not to disturb Brand, Derin crept out of the room and was startled when he heard a roar, "YOU!"

Fear gripped Derin in that one word as he stared at Kamiel and Alliana's father. His voice quivering in rage, "What have you done with my daughter!?"

"Paul," came Derin's father's voice in a warning.

"D-daughter," asked Derin his voice portraying his confusion.

"Yes my daughter, she didn't come home last night and she is nowhere to be found," spoke Paul, his voice filled with parental fear.

Numbing shock filled Derin, wondering where she was, yet still aware that his father was asking him something.

".... tell us what happened last night, son," his father gently as d.

Derin could understand Kam's father's emotions. Perhaps he was feeling them to a lesser degree, perhaps, a greater degree. He could see Paul pacing like a caged animal, accusation painted on his face as he stared Derin down.

Derin wanted to weep tears under the man's scrutiny and he told all he knew of last night...even the kiss. That last important detail deepened his scowl.

"And your manners didn't allow you to escort her home? You know how dangerous it is at night," demanded Paul.

"Paul..." Derin's own father again warned.

"I-I wasn't thinking then...S-she ran off not allowing me to...I mean I went home right after.... We have to find her," exclaimed Derin in raw anguish. Derin numbly felt arms surround him and was further shocked when he realized it was Kam's father that was holding him.... seeking and giving solace with the boy he held.

Abruptly he let go of Derin, "Kam is already searching as well half the town. Come get your sword, we must join the search." It seemed as if forgiveness was not in order. Derin sighed heavily in mental relief.

Paul knew the boy's story to be true. He saw it...he sensed it. Generations of warrior instinct were ingrain into the peace-loving innkeeper. Al'alicard.... a family of warders traced all the way to the making of the White Tower...or so his grand-da always had told him. Moments like these, he could believe such a thing as he led Derin to the door to search for his daughter. The boy's love for his daughter was also evident.... but that was an issue to be discussed later.

The two of them opened the door to come out and found Kamiel shaking with rage and sorrow. Tears he would normally never allow anyone to see flowed freely down his face. In his outstretched arms was a stiff body of a slight girl. Her feast day clothing were torn to shreds, dried dark blood coated her body and dress. Tufts of hair seemed to have been pulled out at the roots, her once luxurious hair seemed frantic and torn. What was worst of all was the fear in the still open eyes. Kam did not notice the opened eyes. He still did not believe his sister was dead.

Derin crumpled where he stood; Kam's father raced down the steps and gently took his daughter in his arms.

"She won't wake up Da," whispered Kam as he gave her lifeless body over to his father. Silently, father and son walked away...

--

Derin woke up in his own bed. All memories of what happened that morning was lost to him, it was as if he had a vague sensation that he had woken up from a nightmare. Derin immediately knew that something bad had happened when both his parents, Brand and Kamiel surrounded his bed. All four people's faces were painted with grief.

"W-what happened," he asked somewhat groggily.

Silence...

Derin became nervous as he looked into the eyes of loved ones around him. Even Brand's eyes held grief. It was almost too much for Derin to bear.

"You truly don't remember," whispered Kamiel in wonderment.

Before Kam could say more, Derin's dad spoke up, "Son...Alli..." The rest of his dad's words were drowned out by the onrush of memories flooding back. The kiss, rapture, confusion, fear, dead alli in Kam's arms, all of it fought to bring Derin into unconsciousness once again, but he fought it down with a stubbornness.

"Oh," was all he said as he stared down at his hands. He would not cry, he would not cry. And why not? He asked himself, surely the one I loved deserved my tears. But Derin's determination overcame his grief.

"Derin..." Kam's voice snapped Derin out of his thoughts, the image of Alliana's radiant face kept on creeping into his mind to be replaced by her dead fear filled eyes and then back again.

Derin realized then that his parents had left. Kam and Brand both sat on his bed on either side at his feet staring at him. Kamiel's face was a washed with grief, Brand's was too but there was something about his eyes.... no emotion.

Kamiel sighed heavily and looked Derin in the eyes, "I am leaving Four Kings...After the funeral." Derin's face remained blank, refusal to feel anything still adamant in his thoughts. "I go to become a Warder as we have all talked of many times. I can't stand to stay here with the pain...." The last was whispered, though the other two young men heard all the same.

By the look Brand gave, he had already known Kamiel's decision. It was a look of both admiration and disgust. Admiration that Kam was finally doing something all three boys had dreamed of since they were old enough to be away from their mother's apron strings. Disgust because he knew in a way, Kamiel was running from something.

"Come with me Derin," Kamiel's plea was urgent, even begging. A very odd characteristic coming from the leader of the trio. "Just think...fighting Shadowspawn...fighting side by side with Aes Sedai. Brand here is too scared to go." Kamiel's voice dripped with contempt at the mention of Brand's name. Brand, himself, stiffened and glared at Kam, though didn't say anything. Another uncharacteristic action, Brand always retorted back.

Brand spoke this time, smug satisfaction filled his voice. "I found her murderer, Derin. He was holed up in a cave east of here. I killed him with my own sword." Derin felt as if he were robbed of the chance to avenge his love. This brought anger of Brand in him.

But once again he squashed it down. "I ...can't go. My Da needs me," he said absently. Kamiel did not push him...why were his friends acting so differently? They were two different people at this moment. Kamiel just left, Brand following him.

Derin felt so alone.

--

Alliana's funeral was held the next day, the whole village grieving for the thread cut so short in its life. The following day, Kamiel was found missing, a note found on his bed saying he went to the White Tower to train as a Warder was all that was written.

Life went on, one week went by, then two weeks. Derin began to go with his father to work on a daily basis, learning his father's craft. Brand...disappeared by day and reappeared for dinner. No one said anything; they knew it was a way for each boy to handle a death of a friend.

Two weeks became a month and it was on that day, the exact day a month later, Derin's stubbornness broke down and he wept for his lost love. There was no family any friends there to console him. But he wept until his sobs turned to a dry shivering of his entire body. He did not know how long he sat there on his bed, but he could smell the roast his mother had started to cook over the hearth.

Getting up, Derin walked into the family room, immediately giving his mother a gentle hug. A smile bloomed on her lips and she kissed his cheek as she went back to preparing that evening's meal.

"Do you know where Brand is," asked Derin as he strapped on his cloak and sword. It was the first time he put on the gift since Alliana's death. But he did it as if it were a lifelong habit, without thought.

"No one ever knows where that boy goes...though I hear he has taken to hunting in the afternoon. Light knows he brings back enough meat to feed the entire village," his mom replied as he left out the door.

He had to speak to Brand; it was time they moved on with their life. He needed his friend back. Derin ran out of the house and sprinted down the street. Halfway through town, Derin narrowly missed a man who wore all black, two collar pins on his neck. The man radiated danger, yet Derin's thoughts weren't turned on the man as he raced by to find his friend.

As he reached the edge of the village, Derin could see Brand's tell tale tracks leading into a popular game trail used by the three boys. Giving only a second to register the tracks, Derin continued onward, see signs of Brand's passage. Clumsy oaf, thought Derin as he grinned and sped along.

The sun had reached its zenith and was well along its way to disappearing over the horizon when Derin finally heard Brand's voice. It sounded as if he was talking to someone, then another voice drifted Derin's way. Then another. It sounded like a gathering.

Then what they were saying registered in Derin's mind. No... Thought Derin. He came to what looked like the mouth of a cave. Firelight playfully illuminated the shadowed entrance of the cave. The voices of the people in it were clear now. What he heard brought rage and fear.

Brand's voice drifted to his ears, "After I had my way with her, I gutted her like the whore she was. Always teasing me, always leading me on. Alliana," Derin heard Brand spit and laughter erupted in the cave. "May the Great Lord of the Dark bring me another tasty morsel such as she...and another idiot to frame." Again more laughter poured forth from the cave.

Derin no longer heard Brand's voice continue the tale of horror. His blatant bragging of murder and rape. The Great Lord of the Dark...Brand a darkfriend...Derin's body started to tingle, pin pricks of pain along every pore in his skin. The sweetness he felt, befouled by feces, coated with ecstasy. He couldn't see anything; he had gone blind, yet light filled his eyes instead of darkness.

The ground started to shake, splinters pierced his skin, a boulder glanced his thigh, bruising it. Distantly a shriek of such horror and rage ringed his ear, "NOOOOOO!" Was that his own voice?

Derin fell to the earth, there was no cave, only dust as earth finally settled and the rubble was apparent. For over a hundred yards, broken stumps of trees being splintered into millions of pieces lay strung about in a perfect circle. Unconsciousness overcame him. He was a murder now. But he had killed a darkfriend.

--

When Derin had awoken, night had fallen. This time blissful amnesia did not enfold him in its protective blanket. Instead he knew what he was, he knew what he did. He was doomed to go mad. A foul male channeler. He could not go back to his parents, he could not look them in the eye and say he had killed a boy that was as close to them as he was.

Derin had to run. Ran, he did, all night he ran through the forest until he passed out with exhaustion. He continued to run after that.... till once again he passed out. Food, he needed food to sustain him. He hunted then, all he had was his sword, and he needed to be swift. He killed, he ate.

He did not dare build a fire; afraid the animal in him would want to use the one power to light it. He had heard stories that male channelers were nothing but hunted animals, using only their instincts. And this he held on to.

Derin kept on running, sometimes hunting, sometimes stealing for his food. Never going into town, never meeting with the people who would surely help a young man such as he.

Derin didn't know what day had gone by or how long he had been running, but it was on such forage near these towns that he heard a conversation between two trappers. Black Tower? What was that? A Tower of male channelers!? Based in Andor!? How could the Queen allow such an evil thing to come into existence? They served the Lord Dragon.

Derin silently stalked away. That was his home. He needed to find this Black tower. So now Derin ran, but he searched. Derin stole from towns he came near...but he hunted for information on their outskirts. One fall day, Derin overheard someone talking of an encampment spring up north of where he was. It had to be the Black tower he told himself. I need to get there so I can stop running. Can't stop running till I get there. That had been his mantra, he didn't know for how long.... it was since the two trappers.

Derin started to head north. He ran, he hunted, he ate. Derin then heard the sounds of the men and explosions. He knew he had found what he searched for. His body screamed in weariness, his mind was no longer his own.

Derin crawled on his belly up the side of a hill, wanting to scout out the settlement before he entered it. It was then he heard a strange haunting melody. Then the air before him opened and a horse barely prevented itself from stepping on his head.

He was instantly in a crouch, on guard. The man on the horse wore all black. On his collar were two pins, a silver sword and a golden dragon. He was putting away an ornate flute and he bowed in his saddle, taking off a rather wide silly hate that had a feather in it.

"Well boy, don't you look half starved and wild. Welcome to the Black Tower. My name is Piper." The man said in a grand air. He started down the hill toward the encampment and stopped. Derin hadn't moved an inch. He turned and smiled at Derin, gave him a wink and asked, "You coming?"