- Mother gave me this journal today, as a gift for being accepted as Master Needleman?s apprentice. She told me that I should write important things in here, to help me remember then later, when I?m older. I wonder if she did this when she was my age. Well, I figure that getting my apprenticeship is probably important enough to put in here, but I?ll have to figure out what else important I might find. I?ll write some more later.

The handwriting was hardly legible, and there were a few places where smudges made it difficult to decipher, but not impossible. Unable to tear himself away from the pages, worn with time and much use, Jak read on.

- I hate old man Needleman. Needle-nose is more like it, that goat licking dung-spawn. He beat me today for dropping a load of thatch from the Malster?s roof, just because the straps broke and spilled it across the street. No one got hurt, and I even gathered all the thatch back up and bundled it again. Stupid old man, let him haul his own dumb thatch up those rickety old ladders, and we?ll see how many he drops.

It seemed that before coming to the Black Tower Corin had been a thatcher. Jak knew that he?d come from a small town in Caralain Grass, more than two days ride south from the borders of Saldaea, and three days east of Arad Doman. He?d told Jak once that the nearest town to where he had been born and raised was nearly six days walk, or four days ride if you had a good horse. Shaking his head at the idea of living in such an isolated place, he flipped a few pages and read some of the next entries.

- Mirriella danced with me tonight at the Bel Tine Dance. Twelve boys asked her before me. Twelve! She picked me out of all of them. Janine told me that she had waited all night for me to ask her. My sister is so stupid. Why didn?t she just tell me that Mirriella wanted to dance with me? We would have had all night to dance then. Anyways, after the dance I got shoot in the archery competition this year. I beat everyone except Volmet and Greir, but their two years older than me, so that was okay. This was the best Bel Tine ever!

- I went to Mirriella?s house tonight, and asked her father if she could walk with me. He gave me such a hassle about it, but I knew that he would let me. He had all but told me he expected me to come see him more. Forget about Mirriella?s mother. I?d swear that the woman was trying to fatten me up for the oven if she wasn?t the sweetest woman in the whole village.

Jak couldn?t help but smile at the entry about Corin?s sister. Men and women would just never look at things the same way. He was eager to read further because he knew that Corin had been married before the Tower, and he wondered whether this Mirriella was the lucky woman, and also why she hadn?t come with him to the Tower. Flipping forward some, he spotted a page where it looked like there was a sharp improvement in penmanship and the tone of the writing was very different. Apparently there?d been a stretch where Corin had fallen behind in keeping up with his journal.

- If I didn?t write something about today, Mother would roll over in her grave, the Light bless her soul. The most important day in any man?s life has to be the day he marries the woman he loves. I?m sitting here, waiting for Mirriella to come to bed. Her mother and some other women pulled her aside after the feast. What they could think is important enough to delay a woman from her wedding bed is beyond me, but I wish she?d hurry. Oh, here she is now.

So Mirriella had been the woman. Corin was here at the Tower alone, though, so something happened between then and now. Curious, he read on a few pages later.

- Nothing can compare to the feeling I got today when Mirriella told me I was going to be a father. I cried, and Father cried with me. The only other time I?d seen that had been after Mother died. Just thinking about it I think might make me tear up again. Light, but I?m as blubbery as an old woman here. I?m just so happy, especially sine Mirriella is so happy. I?ll soon have a family of my own soon, maybe with a son to teach and help grow strong, or a beautiful girl to make beautiful and graceful. Either way, I couldn?t be any happier. Even crotchety old Master Needleman congratulated me. I can?t barely remember the last kind thing that old man said. It really is a miracle.

Amazed, Jak quickly pressed on. He hadn?t known that Corin had had any children, and he was as curious about them, as he was about Mirriella. Skipping the next few entries, his eyes were drawn to a spot on the page where the pages were wrinkled in small spots as though water had been dripped on them. Here and there a spot of ink was smudged beyond legibility, though it wasn?t hard to find the words from the context.

- Josein. Oh my beautiful baby girl. It?s so hard to imagine what the Creator has granted me today. Almost as hard as it is to accept what he took from me. Mirriella died this morning, after two days and a hard labor. Mother Drella tried to tell me that she died happily, the child in her arms, but it was more than I could bear. I wept again. The last time was when she told me we?d have a family of our own. Now I have to raise our daughter without her. Oh, why did you have to leave me my beauty, my love. Josein is crying again. I have to go see what she wants, but it is so hard. A man isn?t meant to raise a child.

Feeling his eyes burn with tears unshed, Jak blinked a few times to clear his vision, and sniffed loudly. He couldn?t explain why, but the journal entry struck a cord deep in the M?Hael?s own mind.

- A man in a black coat with a silver pin came through the town today. He asked whether anyone had any interest in coming to fight for the Dragon Reborn. Yelworth almost chased him off with his forge hammer, but I restrained the hothead. Something about this man made me think it was a bad idea. More than a few declared him a Darkfriend and refused to even be around him. A few of us listened to what he had to say, and I was almost convinced. Selvin is ready to take over thatching for me, and Josein is old enough to marry, if she could settle her mind. When I told her my intentions, though, she said she would come with me. I tried to convince her not to, but I couldn?t. She told me that we?d never been separated, and she wouldn?t give up her father for any of the oafish village boys.

When we left the village, a hole in the air opened, and the six of us who went with the man in black walked through, more than a little apprehensive. That was when we found out we were all going to be tested. I didn?t understand at first, and told them that I could read and write just fine. Even do a few numbers too. That wasn?t what they meant, though. When I passed the test, Josein begged me to leave with her, not to do this. I knew, though, that this is what I was meant to do, to fight along-side the Dragon Reborn in the Last Battle. When she saw I couldn?t be convinced she cried. She called me a crazy old coot and a Darkfriend. That hurt, but not as much as seeing only her back as she left, running. I?d give almost anything to have her back, but I was herded along to the Black Tower, while the others went somewhere else. I was the only one who passed.

Tears streamed in narrow rivulets down Jak?s cheek, and he hung his head for a minute, blinking furiously to clear his eyes. Sniffing a few times, and running his hand over his face to dry his cheeks, he looked at the journal. Just a little more than halfway through the pages now, he noticed that there was just one more entry.

- I had my first warm meal in a week and a half tonight. You never know the joy of warm, delicious food until all you get to eat is cold oatmeal, cold steak, and cold potatoes for a week. I?m looking forward to finally be able to have a hot bath tonight, after my evening chores, and even getting a hot shave tomorrow. I haven?t shaved since I got here because I couldn?t bring myself to shave with the cold water. Who knows, maybe I?ll keep the beard. A new look for a whole new life.

I still miss Josein, more than anything I wish she would come back to me. Without her I suddenly realize how much I?ve missed Mirriella, and how much I have hurt, all these years.

Closing the journal, Jak held it in one hand, while he put the box of Corin?s other belongings under his arm. Standing, he wiped a hand across his face once more, making sure that he was composed. The M?Hael could not be seen crying, or he?d never be taken seriously by these fool men. When he was sure that nothing else of tears showed in his face Jak pushed open the Barracks door and stepped outside. Standing near the door was a man, dressed in the unrelieved black of a Soldier of the Black Tower. His hair was heavily streaked with white, and lines of hard times etched themselves across his weather beaten face. His shoulders were slumped, and his vacant eyes stared off without seeing. Someone had unbuckled his sword belt, likely so he did not trip over it and hurt himself or someone else. With a sigh, and a feeling of deep regret, Jak called out to the man. ?Corin, follow me son, and we?ll set you up in your new room.?

Without a sound he turned his unseeing gaze on Jak, causing the M?Hael to shiver involuntarily, and feel slightly sick. As he man turned to follow him, a passing Asha?man stopped, and shook his head sadly.

?It would be kinder to end their lives when they burn themselves out like that. Better to die in the process than be left mindless like that.?

Looking over his should at Corin, who stood obediently one step behind Jak, waiting to follow him where ever he was going, he replied, ?It might be kinder to them, but when we keep them around they serve as a reminder to the others. An unpleasant reminder, mayhap, of what awaits some men. Still, it keeps students from doing stupid things, and may mean we spare a few more from his same fate.? Moving on, Corin trailed silently behind Jak as he walked towards the mess hall. There he?d be set to menial, repetitive tasks, such as chopping fire wood, or stirring pots, or turning spits. It wasn?t likely he?d live more than a few years, the men who were left mindless shells seldom did any better than those who kept their minds but just lost the ability to channel. In the end they all give up living. Duty and death, mountains and feathers, he knew all the sayings but just couldn?t make himself utter them. Not today. =====