It was Fall again. The leaves were turning that beautiful shade of red, and hadn't completely fallen. It was getting chilly again, and the sky was always gray nowadays. A slight wind blew from the west, causing the few already fallen leaves to swirl. It looked like they were in for a cold shower that evening or overnight. Except for a slight howl as the wind picked up, and the crackle of leaves in the air, it was deathly quiet. Sam sat quietly in that darkened room, the fireplace throwing all kinds of shadows on his face and the walls. The glow of burning tobacco in his pipe stood in stark contrast to the dark surroundings, and added a certain feel to the place that made one slightly queasy.

Sam sat alone in the common room of the siswai's barracks, staring out of the window. It was going to be the last time he was going to be here. He had been raised to the rank of manshima that morning, and he had already moved what little belongings he had to the manshima's barracks. Coincidentally, his room number was still the same - Room 14. His new room was bigger than his room as a siswai, obviously, and he had some more furniture and other luxuries. The room still followed the basic layout of the rooms in the siswai barracks, but now had a fireplace, a larger desk, and a rug in the centre of the floor. Little frills that didn't really mean much, but were part of the trappings of his new rank.

One thing that had truly surprised Sam was that his raising had not caused any true joy. As Sam sat there, inhaling deeply on his pipe, he looked back on the drastic change his life had taken over the last sixteen months. Sam had arrived as a wet behind the years, too big for his boots, cocky, siswai who had been training with weapons all his life. Within a few short hours, he had found out that it wasn't the duration of training that mattered, but its intensity. His skills had been shown down in everything but the bow and unarmed combat. Sam maintained a close second to manshima Krion in archery and hadn't yet been able to beat him. Krion was simply par excellence. Unarmed combat was something Sam hadn't tried much with Tower trainees, but from what he had seen during their training, there wouldn't be too many people who would be able to pin him. In any case, Sam considered it more a sport than a skill of war, because one rarely had the opportunity to spar unarmed with a Darkfriend one on one.

Sam had however, improved drastically with the sword. Before, he had merely known how to point it forward, it seemed. Sam had evolved from an amateur with one sword who barely understood the forms to someone more adept who preferred to use two blades instead of one. He had Aryth, Uaine, and Auriana to thank for that mainly, though other random spars here and there with other siswai, manshima, and (was he out of his mind?!) ashandarei/gaidin had definitely improved his reflexes and his style. Sam had forged two beautiful swords and a knife at the Tower forge. Single-edged, light, very sharp, powerful blades that served him well, and were pretty much free save the time he spent in the forge and the library. Sam had researched how to make swords, or rather, how they were made long ago. His efforts fell far short of making him a mastersmith, but his blades were nonetheless among the best he had seen in the Tower. Sam had seen very few blades that were actually marked with a heron.

Sam took another puff on his pipe. He had never been a smoker, but lit a pipe once in a while when he was felt out of his depth. Right now, Sam felt completely out of depth. He had actually been surprised when Master Ingtar had called him in that morning and informed him that he was being promoted. As he rushed to the office of the Master of Arms, Sam had thought that he was in trouble again, as he had made a habit of. Sam had stood there bewildered, and finally mumbled something as he walked out, his head spinning. Why was he being raised? He really wasn't ready. He had improved perhaps, but his skills with a blade were still short of what he considered acceptable...and he was still useless with a quarterstaff. He had admittedly done well in his classes, but wasn't a warder's duties to protect an Aes Sedai? Sam didn't see how his classes helped him improve in that direction. A well-read clown would only get himself and his Aes Sedai killed. Yet Sam loved to learn, and despite one half of him discarding it as useless, the other half bathed in all its glory and splendour!

Suddenly, Sam found himself drifting off somewhere. It was a distant memory, long ago forgotten by everyone and everything except his subconscious. It was just after winter, when spring had not yet set in fully. It was a beautiful day, with the sun out, a few clouds in the sky, and a chilly wind blowing from the east. Ah yes...it was that evening when the mayor's daughter had been promised to the big cloth merchant, son. Sam remembered. As if upon cue, Essande came up from behind him and put her arms around him, just as it had happened. Sam grabbed them and swung her around to face him. Ah yes. She had been furious with him for suggesting he wanted to go to the Tower that day. Slapped him, started crying, and all the other histrionics women were so good at! She mumbled between her sobs something about thinking with the hair one one's chest, and... Essande was the one woman Sam had truly...felt for. He didn't know if he was in love, but he liked being with her, and wanted to be with her all the time, so much that his brains were slowly being turned to mush, his friends had joked. Sam wondered now what she would say if she realised he had been promoted. Knowing that headstrong girl, probably slap him again and harrumph loudly as she had done all those days ago. Seemed like a lifetime ago! A life he would have enjoyed. Marriage, kids, teaching them how to fight...maybe he could still have some of that again. Yeah right! Such things were forbidden even in his dreams now.

Just as he had recovered from one journey in time, Sam found himself being tugged by another dormant memory. This time, it was an earlier memory, and of another girl. He didn't quite remember her name now, and even in his dreamy trance, Sam was ashamed. She was the first girl he had kissed! Looking back upon it now, it seemed as if Sam had always been able to get along with girls better than boys, a fact that got him into trouble when he had just joined the Tower. Apparently, the Aes Sedai were right, not that he was in any rush to run over to them and confess! The girl was pulling him away from some reading in the library, and he was telling her she would have to find someone else to dance with that evening at the festival. He had to go home and practice with Cristol. Sam shook his head. He had always put work before play, always trained in the art of war, and somehow, thank the Light, remained an essentially peaceful man. Yet he was so caught up in his own little world that sometimes he didn't see how he affected other people. The hurt on this girl's face was obvious as she pound his arm and ran away. Even now, after so many years, Sam felt a strong twinge of regret. He shouldn't have done that. How did he ever manage to make any friends like this?! Sam resolved to be more attentive of other people in the future. Future - what did that mean now?

What amused Sam about the whole situation was that he had come to the Tower, wanting to be raised yesterday. He had wanted that rank, and he wanted to rush through things. As he had slowed down, he had stopped caring about rank and wanted only to improve his fighting skills. He had been raised in just short of one and a half years, sixteen months, faster than some, but slower than others. Although he didn't particularly care about rank, he had to admit that it did feel nice not to be at the bottom of the ladder. He only regretted his passing friends, for now that he was manshima, he would more likely than not have more responsibilities. The Tower viewed a manshima as someone who was committed. A siswai was merely put through the motions of training and being tested to see if he had what it took to be a member of the Tower's elite. Sam didn't want to give up spending time with his friends. He didn't see how a minor difference like rank could change a friendship. He wasn't looking forward to all his friends now calling him sir, but not to enforce that would cause different standards. Sam was all for a uniform code of military justice, and he decided regretfully, that his friends would have to call him sir in public. Another minor inconvenience was that he couldn't bring himself to call his seniors by their names. They were all sirs, and they would remain that way. Blast! Why didn't they just whisper to him alone that he was raised and let him carry on with his life?

But all these were only minor issues. The major one lay ahead of him. What was he going to do now that he was on the inner track? The Tower would expect him to be an outstanding member of the community, and he would have to have some direction. Life wasn't going to be simply about training any more. He may have to teach classes now, help break in new siswai, hone certain skills as he decided whether to bond or not, and if he did decide he would be in the bond market, to which Ajah? His skills would have to developed towards those goals. For example, a Brown would perhaps prefer a warder who could help her with research as well as fight. A Blue might want someone trained a little in diplomacy. Those thoughts were far from Sam's mind as he sat there that night, wrapped in his warm cloak, but he knew he would have to start thinking about it soon. He was growing up, and suddenly, he longed for the carefree, zero responsibility life he had led as a siswai. Had someone told him this is how he'd feel upon being raised, he would have laughed at him sixteen months ago. Now, he was seeing everything from a new perspective.

To be fully immersed in Tower life was not a tough decision to make. Although Sam had originally chafed under what he had considered tight restrictions at the Tower, he had become accustomed to them and didn't even question them anymore. After the first six months, he had come to like the martial discipline he was living under. The training and the simplicity of life that he had previously abhorred were becoming more pleasing to him as the days went by. What vexed Sam was what he was going to do now. He did not know the full extent of his responsibilities, and he needed to talk to Master Ingtar about them tomorrow. The Gaidin had been more of a father to the siswai than a superior officer.

Even Sam's burning desire for revenge had abated. Sam was at peace with his tragic past, and although he had initially felt like a traitor to his family's honour when he realised that he wasn't all too gung-ho about it any more, he had soon come to terms with it, rationalising it as he was prone to do with everything. Hatred as motivation for furtherance did not take a man far. It had to be something of positive linkage. Negative linkage never worked - just ask the Blues. In its stead, Sam had carefully cultivated the feeling that he was part of a larger whole that was doing the right thing, and his miniscule place in the scheme of things was important too. Sam was now driven forward by a desire to better himself. Every man died, but very few men truly lived. Sam sought to try and live. He sought knowledge, he sought the smaller joys of life, he sought perfection in doing his duty, and he sought tranquility.

Sam had come to find friends at the Tower, few but still more than none. Not tested in the heat of battle, but amiable fellows nonetheless. Among his group of siswais, there was Adolphous. An oaf, but a sincerely nice guy. Unfortunately, that was it. Lewin he knew of, and that lad was strange. He had a history to carry, lots of personal; baggage, but didn't most people? Breande, that acidic girl siswai...nevermind! Then there was Aryth, an ashandarei. Good man, that. Helpful, and remembered his roots. Didnt' have a  big head to go with his big rank. Sam genuinely liked Aryth as one would an older brother. Can't really call him a friend though, because of his rank. The Tower was too uptight to allow such vertical friendships. Then of course, a Master of Arms Sam admired but again, a vertical affair. Sam liked the guy from the start, but after his private conversation where he had admitted to Sam that he felt uneasy too around channelers, Master Ingtar had become his new hero! If he could handle it, then Sam would try too! Unfortunately, the Gaidin had lost his Aes Sedai. She had accidentally stilled herself, was the rumour. If taht were true, it only proved Sam's point even more - Aes Sedai or no Aes Sedai, they were women first!

On the other side, Sam had had a bitter relationship with that Accepted, Jisandra. Turbulent would not begin to describe it. He wasn't even sure he would call her a friend anymore. he would perhaps help her as he would anyone if needed, but unfortunate acquaintance was a more likely label now. Sam had however come to like Romonasa, a feisty young Novice who knew no bounds. She was fun. Then of course there was Auriana, one of the two women who actually knew some about fighting, and wasn't all talk like most of the women appeared to be in the Tower. Sam had also begun to truly appreciate that Andoran Accepted Stella something...Bohnwan, yes, that was it. She seemed to be a fellow soul in search of answers and meaning. At first she had refused to allow Sam to take her class, irking him, but then offered to teach him privately, which had won undying loyalty from Sam. And of course, pleasant, demure, mild mannered Jade. How could he forget her? She seemed really nice, shy and not too confident perhaps, but a sweet person. But the women were people he couldn't interact with as freely. He knew that, and put them out of his mind. Sam still missed that group of close-knit friends he had in his childhood, friends who would help you with anything, even if they were lynched for it later.

The only minor complication in Sam's life was perhaps a woman who served as a waitress at the Three Horns Inn by the name of Riselle. She was incredibly beautiful, but she didn't see the bigger picture, and lacked ambition or thirst for knowledge. So as any hot-blooded male would be attracted to her, so had Sam. He knew however that this was also one of those not meant to be relationships. She was not his type for the long haul, and he didn't know what the Tower would do if anyone found out. Probably chop him up into little pieces and use him as cattle feed. Sam sighed. He would have to have a talk with Riselle soon. Well ok, maybe not that soon!

It had begun to drizzle slightly now. Sam could hear the slight hiss as the rain gently fell on the ground. The smell of the soil was filling the air, and Sam felt totally at peace. It was most probably nearing midnight. Sam still couldn't get over this sudden end of a chapter in his life. He knew where he was headed, and knew how to get there. Yet he still felt...lost...and alone. Getting up slowly, Sam shook his head sadly, as he walked out of the siswai barracks for the last time. "The Wheel weaves as the Wheel wills," he said softly. His breath hung in the air - it was colder than he thought. Waving his hand through the condensate, he walked towards the manshima's barracks, his new home.