Madienne woke up before sunrise, determined to make herself presentable for another day of chores, lessons, chores, studying and chores. Her room was cold with the arrival of winter, and she was sure she could see her breath as she brushed her teeth in the chipped basin. She put on an extra layer of socks, which helped, though she knew she would only be warm when she was in a lesson or cleaning out some large mucky part of the kitchens.

A sudden knock at the door had Madienne turn and curtsy simultaneously at the Mistress of Novices.

“It is time” Was all she said, leading the way. Madienne followed, unsure of what she was referring to. Then it struck her like a blacksmith's hammer on the anvil that was her brain. She couldn't mean her testing, could she? But, as they went further and further down into the Tower, Madienne was sure that was the case. Light, she was so nervous! She wasn't even there and she was already on edge. Madienne wondered often about what it would be like, when she would be tested and all, and after six years it was happening. She had to do this.

The Mistress of Novices led her into a chamber, a huge one carved into the island. Madienne looked at the four Aes Sedai in the chamber; a White, a Yellow and a Brown sat around the ter'angreal, and a Grey stood by a table with three cups. They were filled with water, but not for drinking...

“I will tell you what no Novice hears until she stands here.” So stately, so perfunctionary, was the woman known as the Mistress of Novice! “Once you begin, you must go on to the end. Refuse and you will be put out of the Tower, with enough silver to last a year. Second, to seek, to strive, is to know danger. Some girls enter the ter'angreal and, when the arches grew quiet, they were not there. This is your first chance of three to refuse. Speak.”

There was no other option. There was no use in putting the Testing off. They thought she was ready for it, and by the Light Madienne hoped she was. “I will carry on” She said. She knew the implications of the testing; she may not return from the arches at all. She just wanted to get it over and done with. The Mistress of Novices smiled as if reading her thoughts and led her to the Grey by the table.

“Whom do you bring with you, Sister?” The tall Grey asked formally.

“One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, Sister.”

“Is she ready?”

She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.”

“Does she know her fears?”

“She has never faced them, but is now willing.”

“Then let her face what she fears.” The Grey intoned. Madienne carefully undressed, shivering a little as she stood, naked and afraid, by the arches. There was no turning back now but even if there was she would not have seized the chance.

“The first time is for what was. The way will come but once. Be steadfast.” Madienne stepped into the first arch, and the light consumed her entirely.

***

It took a moment for Madienne to realise where she was. Her bedroom was minimalistic, tidy. Not every girl had her own room like she did, not if they were of her rank. Her stripes indicated House Serafina was a minor noble house, but she only had her own room since her sisters married and left. Why am I even thinking about this? She asked herself irritably as she turned from her desk to find her shoes. Tying her long hair back, she made her way downstairs to start the cleaning. There was always something to do and on such a sunny day the garden seemed the ideal place to start.

Her mother was nowhere to be seen; she was probably buying some fresh vegetables for later. Madienne thought nothing of it and went into the garden, rake in hand and a small spade for the soil. The garden was a fair size considering the size of the house, and after a long spell of rain there was weeds to pull and fallen leaves to handle. The beginning of Autumn was the most beautiful time of the year, Madienne thought, but the raking was less enjoyable.

Funny. There was a feeling of deja vu in raking the leaves into a pile. I'm just being silly, she thought as she raked the pile of collective autumn waste into the corner of the grassy part of the garden. When she looked around the high-walled garden she was amused to see a neighbours' cat nestled in the branches of the tree between her garden and the one next door. The tree always seemed to look after itself, apart from the liberal leaves it bestowed upon House Serafina's grounds. Madienne took to pulling the weeds out from amongst the roots of the tree, minding her own business.

Someone else was minding her business as well. When Madienne next looked up at the tree, she was met with not the ginger tomcat but a young redheaded man smiling down at her. He was quite handsome, she supposed, though what he was doing up there was beyond her. She had never seen anyone climb the tree before, not even her sisters. “Can I help you?” She asked politely, straightening up and letting herself have a moment to relax. The young man jumped down from the tree into her garden, but Madienne never thought to be worried, or to even alert her mother.

“Why yes, Miss Serafina, you can help me in all kinds of ways” The young man replied, his eyes twinkling and his smooth hands cupping her own. “I have heard so much about you, but I didn't believe that you would be so beautiful.”

“Don't be silly” Madienne replied, taking her hands away roughly. “Who's been talking about me?”

“Just an Aes Sedai or two.” The guy replied casually. “I'm Harune, a Warder in training. I'm here to help you.”

“Help me?” Madienne repeated.

“That's what I said.” Harune replied. “Now listen closely. You can channel. You can't now, but you can learn. And you're going to be pretty good at it. That's what the Aes Sedai say. They want to take you to the Tower.”

Madienne didn't quite know what to think. For some reason she wasn't at all surprised. “Oh. Alright.”

“What do you mean 'alright'?” Harune asked impatiently, “That's quite a big thing! But there's more. There's this Aes Sedai, Genevive Sedai, who's after you as well. But she's a Black through and through. They work for the G- the Dark One. She doesn't know you're here but she's not far from finding you. You have to come with us to keep your family safe.”

“I do?” Asked Madienne. Something didn't add up, but she couldn't put her finger on what. “Well I have to say goodbye to my family first.” She didn't know why she felt so calm, with a Black Aes Sedai after her and all, but she did.

“There's no time” Harune said, stressing each word. He took her hands again, firmer this time. “Let's go.”

“Wait.” Madienne told him. And, surprisingly, he let go. The girl ran back to the house, to get her things and see where her mother was. She couldn't leave without telling her mother. The Aes Sedai would keep her safe, but she didn't want her mother to worry too much.

“Hello?” She called as she entered the house again, peering into the rooms. “Ma, are you back yet?” Madienne could smell smoke now, smoke from the bread burning. She hurried into the kitchen to find her mother, flat on her front, with a knife sticking out the back of her head. Blood pooled across the wooden floor, and the oven was smoking wildly. Madienne wanted to scream, but all she could do was open her mouth and gasp repeatedly. “This is not happening. This is not happening!” It had to be Genevive Sedai. Was she still around? Madienne whipped around, but could not see anyone – as if they would even be stood there. She had to get out there, and fast. Harune was right, she just wasn't safe. The young woman turned the oven off then hurried to her room, grabbed a bag and threw a dress, spare shift, comb and socks in before deciding that would have to do. She ran downstairs to the back door, but paused before opening it. She could hear Harune talking to someone; she went to a window and peered out at the garden.

“...back any minute now” he was saying to another man, who was holding a dagger of all things. On closer inspection, the dagger was covered in blood. “You can have her then. You should have waited and taken her first, I said she'd go back into the house...”

“I hope she's as pretty as her mother” the guy said, stroking the hilt of the dagger along his arm as if testing for sharpness. “The prettiest necks are the nicest ones to cut.”

He had killed her mother then. Madienne felt grief, but that wasn't nearly as strong as her desire for vengeance. Narrowing her eyes at the man, she was shocked as he suddenly fell to the floor, choking against an invisible hand around his throat it seemed. Light, someone was getting their revenge for her! Madienne glared at the other man, that goat-kissing Harune, determined that he would be next. Taking a knife out the kitchen drawer, she drew on the image of her dead mother for inspiration. Then she opened the door and faced Harune, who looked like a rabbit under a wagon wheel.

“Madienne!” He squeaked. “What did you just do to him?”

“Nothing he didn't deserve” She replied. Of course that was her channeling. It made sense to her now. “I thought you deserved to go manually, though.”

The way will come but once. Be steadfast.

To the side, where the gate to the streets once stood, there was the glowing arch. It's time to go back.

But he helped kill my mother.

Harune's feet were stuck; Madienne didn't know how she had done it, but one man was dead and this man's death would avenge that of her mother.

This isn't real! She isn't really dead!

But he still killed her!

Indecision rooted Madienne to the spot, glaring from Harune to the arch. She had to go back, to see if there was any chance of her mother being alive on the other side. She had to be. Tears welled before she jumped through the arch, tears for the failure to avenge her mother's death.

***

Madienne left the archway in a state of agitation, looking around wildly. What in the light had happened? The memories flooded her head. Was it real? Surely her mother was alive. I left her for dead, though. Alive or not, she felt like she had let her family down. Looking back, it was so bloody obvious what Harune's intentions were. Was he a real Darkfriend, or a materialisation of her fears? If she saw him now, she didn't know what she would do.

“You are washed clean of what sin you may have done and those done against you. You are cleaned of what crime you may have committed, and those committed against you. You come to us washed clean and pure, in heart and soul.” Madienne imulsively shook her head as the water wet her hair, wiping tears from her eyes. A gentle arm helped her stand straight, and before she knew it she was facing the second arch.

“The second time is for what is. The way will come but once... be steadfast.” Madienne nodded slowly and entered the next arch, coated in cold water and dread.

***

“Daughter, I hear you have your first class of Novices today. You have permission to use my room, provided it is returned in the condition I left it in.”

Madienne gave a deep curtsy and took the key from Kieran Sedai. She was startled by the banded hem on her dress, and the new weight of the serpent ring on her hand. “Thank you Kieran Sedai” she replied, tucking the key in her pocket. The momentary shock of being an Accepted had worn off, and now she was just excited for her first class. She made her way down to the room ready for her Novices, who were not quite new to the tower. They were due straight after dinner, so hopefully they would be more relaxed and ready for the lesson. Madienne always preferred the evening lessons as it meant she was away from the kitchens, which were always a pain to be in at the time. Not that she had to do so much of that anymore, she knew with a smile.

The room was as Madienne remembered, open with lots of cushions as well as the perfunctionary desk. She sat at the desk, then stood, unsure of which to do. The way will come but once. Be steadfast. The thought made Madienne jump in her seat, for it had come from nowhere, but then she was absorbed into the lesson once again as a Novice scuttled in a little early, giving a shaky curtsy. Madienne smiled at the girl, who had to be about sixteen, with her hair in pigtails. If she had not only just met the girl she would have said she reminded her of herself as a Novice.

She wanted someone to bring her an apple. Light, she was hungry. But alas, when the eight Novices were sat on cushions ready for the lesson to start she was void of any fruit. These can be my fruit she decided, smiling at the girls. Not to eat, but to train. As long as there wasn't any rotten cores, though they all looked almost suspiciously placid and expectant. Madienne shut the door as the bell sounded, glad that they were all on time for the lesson. “Good afternoon girls. I'm Madienne, your teacher for today. You should call me Accepted Madienne, though you probably already know enough Tower etiquette to keep yourselves out of trouble.” She gave a smile, pausing to see how they reacted. They just smiled back, which was better than nothing. “Now apparently you've all shown that you can handle the source, being able to seize it more often than not. Also you know the difference between the weaves. Today we're going to build on that with a few exercises which are relatively harmless should they go a little askew.”

The way will come but once. Be steadfa- Light, I know already! Madienne thought as she sat herself on a cushion with the girls, though it had never occurred to her. Even then it slipped out of her mind as she made herself comfortable, finding out the names of the Novices and where they hailed from. Nesna hailed from the Waste, but didn't seem to notice that her teacher was Cairhienin. Madienne had never been called a Treekiller to her face, but she had seen other Cairhienins being hassled as a Novice. Right then Nesna looked relaxed, expectant and ready. They all did.

“Alright girls, as you've been taught, relax yourself ready to embrace the source. Imagine a rose... Faline, relax yourse-”

“Madienne! Trollocs!” The door was thrown open, and in ran none other than Sephann. She slammed the door shut, locked it and with a weave of Air thrust the desk against it. At the same time, a huge hairy figure banged against the door, howling at the lost meal inside.

Trollocs in the Tower! Madienne marvelled, but she wasted no time channeling some cupboards against the desk. Then she looked to the girls, some of whom were clutching pillows to their chests for scanty protection. “Is anyone hurt?” She asked, scanning them all quickly. They shook their heads, and Madienne breathed a sigh of relief.

“Was that a Trolloc?!” Squeaked Demnesta, her brown bobble shaking in tune to the rest of her body. “These trollocs, they are in the Tower?”

“Yes.” Sephann said stonily, wiping the blood from a nosebleed on her sleeve. “I heard you had your lesson here, Mad, and... well, I couldn't just leave you. The Aes Sedai have called a full evacuation of the Tower, and we have to leave for the Travelling grounds now if we're going to make it in time. I knew you couldn't do it alone, and I can't either. I think that if we stick together, then we can take on the Shadow and help these Novices get to the grounds safely.”

One of the girls stifled a sob, which set the other girls off. Madienne shut her eyes, as if it would stop her hearing their pleas. “We can do this.” She agreed. Hopelessness threatened to overwhelm her, but she had to be strong for the girls. And for Sephann. Opening herself to the Power, she let the sweetness keep her strong. But then the other Accepted smiled at her, and Madienne tried not to cry. “We can do this, can't we?”

“I know I can if I'm with you.” Sephann took her hand, and Madienne believed every word. “Okay girls. Stay in pairs. Stay close. For the love of the Light, do not just run in all directions. If you do get lost, try to find your way to the Travelling Grounds as quickly as possible. If you see an Aes Sedai or Accepted, stay with them.” Nodding at Madienne, Sephann moved the cupboards and the desk away, opening the door and quickly leading the way. Instantly a trolloc bounded around the corner at them, but Sephann was already there with a weave of fire to the throat. As the beast fell, the group hurried onwards.

“I'm scared, Madienne!” Squealed Faline.

“Me too Faline, but stay close and you should be alright!” Madienne replied, trying to sound comforting but not quite getting it. They made steady progress, going down the stairs all at once to get them over and done with. Bodies littered the place; Madienne deftly moved the worst ones before the Novices could see them, and panic. Sephann ruthlessly threw the shadowspawn off the stairs with flows of Air, but Madienne did her fair share of hurting as well. Sephann even had time to compliment her skill at suffocating shadowspawn.

“We're almost there everyone” Sephann said eventually, as they reached the trashed kitchens. Every Novice was still there, and a couple of strays had joined the group as well as two Accepted who, whilst weak in the Power, were good for raising the morale of the Novices as they stood at the back. Heading out into the Tower grounds themselves, Madienne gaped at the strewn bodies, or body parts, littered about the place. They didn't tarry, though, and they continued at a quicker pace than before over the grass.

A shrill scream from behind had the Accepted whipping around. The girls at the back were being attacked by a huge trolloc, with the two Accepted at the back littered in several places along the floor or in the trolloc's mouth in an instant. Madienne swiped at the trolloc with Air and Fire entwined, causing the Trolloc to fall.

The wall will come but once. Against the nearby hedge was the silver archway, glistening and calling for her. Madienne stopped mid step and stared at the arch, shocked at the awful timing of it all.

“Madienne come on, we don't have time!” Sephann cried, tugging at her. They had held hands the entire time.

“I can't.” The words came out as a choked whisper. Madienne looked into Sephann's confused eyes, until her vision blurred with tears. “I'm sorry Sephann, I can't come with you.”

“I need you!” Sephann was frantic, and it cut her like she had those trollocs. “I can't take on these trollocs on my own! They'll destroy us!” The other Accepted – no, I'm not an Accepted am I – had both her hands now, and Madienne found letting go came harder in practice than in theory.

“Madienne! Help us!” Squealed Demnesta.

Madienne could only watch as the trollocs loomed closer. She couldn't help the others. Sephann was alone in this. “I'm sorry” She repeated, but saying it quieter didn't make it feel any worse. “I can't.” She tugged her hands from Sephann's and ran to the arch, but the light did not smother her before she heard the screaming and tearing of limbs.

***

“You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.” The Novice only noticed the water when it trickled down her lower back, but the running drops were but the extension of her tears.

“I left her. I left her in there to die.” Why did she leave everyone? Why did she have to let them down? She was on her feet again, but all she saw was Sephann's body, naked and torn like flesh coloured paper. It grew grey, then the white glow of the third and final arch dissolved the image and let it settle into her mind for her worst nightmares.

“The third arch is for what will be. The way will come but once. Be steadfast.” As Madienne entered the final arch, the woman added a breathy “I know you can do this.”

***

The Novice found herself in a forest, wearing only her shift. At least this way it was easier to remember the place was not real, and whatever happened in the arches was just a manifestation of her fears. I can't let this one get to me! She told herself, scrubbing the tears from her eyes. Sephann was fine, those Novices were probably not even real people and the Tower was most certainly not under attack- it was all blurring in any case, until Madienne was left wondering where she could find some clothes from. The night was chilly, and she was soon covered in goosebumps. I hope I find something to wear before someone sees me she thought, folding her arms and heading forwards. There was no set path, but it was as good as any. She thought she knew a way to find out where she was, looking at the sun and seeing where it stood in the sky and all that, but it seemed to be another life altogether, like it had happened to someone else.

“Madienne! Madienne Sedai!”

Oh, they mean me? She asked herself, looking up ahead and squinting. In the moonlight she thought she saw the silhouettes of two men, but they were some way away. They could not have shouted that far, not with how close it sounded.

“Madienne Sedai!” A tall man appeared to the left, a Sheinaran by the look of the armour. Saluting with a hand to his chest, the man hardly appeared out of breath. “You were sleepwalking again. You aren't safe here.”

“Lucky I've got you to fetch me then” Madienne said, smiling. “Thank you again, Salin. I didn't realise I could unlock the door in my sleep.” They turned to go back the way they came. “Who are those men?” She asked, gesturing.

Salin looked behind him, and muttered an oath. “Peace. With your permission, Madienne Sedai...” Madienne nodded. She knew she could trust the man to look after her, especially when she was in a state of mild distress.With her nod, Salin hoisted her up and set off at a run, carrying her slung over his shoulder. She was quite used to this over the years, so she let him get on with it. The figures in the distance dwindled; they wouldn't dare come any closer to the camp.

And what a camp it was! Salidar was more than just a camp, it was the largest village she had ever seen. The rebel Asha'man had taken refuge here after the split at the Black Tower, and their Aes Sedai were only truly safe here. The Black Tower Asha'man had declared openly that anyone bonded to a rebel Asha'man was to dissolve the bond or join them on the Traitor's Tree. The White Tower faced an open struggle – support the Black Tower or the rebels? They didn't know the full story, but they had been in the same position once. Madienne wished they had not declared support for the Black Tower. That made their cause all the more difficult.

But all was not lost. Their recent victory was the persuasion of almost a dozen male channelers from the Black Tower. Not bound to the Oaths, it was easy for the men to wander back and swear allegiance. Then they broke the place from the inside. It was all going to end soon. It was all coming to a head, because soon the men were going to march, every rebel Asha'man and the Dedicated, to bring down the corrupt M'Hael. After Asha'man Jak had died – the Light illuminate his soul, Madienne added sadly – the new M'Hael had proved to be a bad choice, as black as if he wore the tainted shawl. They had proof. Light, they had proof! And no way of using it.

Madienne and the bonded Aes Sedai stayed in their own house. None of them had been Aes Sedai at the time of the last rebellion, though Jaora claimed to have been a Novice picked up on the march to the White Tower. The Green always was full of herself. Madienne returned to this house now, as Salin had let her walk from the gates. The men looked over her approvingly; they knew of her habits. Sleepwalking had only been a recent habit of hers, after leaving the White Tower, but it was quite regular. In the main meeting room sat half of the Sisters, sipping at hot cocoa and looking relieved when she returned.

“My apologies, Sisters” She murmured politely. They nodded in understanding, and Kaelin handed her a drink. Madienne noticed every woman was wearing her shawl, and her own shawl lay on the table.

“Madienne, we have been waiting.” Said Dezamine, but she was not angry. The placid White gestured to her to put her shawl on over her shift, which she did. Looking at the Grey shawl around her shoulders, she was confused for a moment. The way will come but once. Be steadfast.

“We have found... a way... to prove our loyalty to the Asha'man.” Dezamine continued, the highest ranked of all the women there. “And a way to break free of the oaths.”

“Break free of them?” Madienne repeated. “Do the Asha'man know of this?”

“No.” Madienne turned to Salin, who was unsurprised to say the least.

“I'm going to be your bloody Warder” He half growled, folding his arms. “When you get round to doing it anyway.” The politeness of earlier had gone. He wanted to be her Warder badly, and she half suspected he was after more than that. He was a real lifesaver, he really was, but she wasn't sure she was ready. She was here for him, was that not enough? She'd left the White Tower for him.

“We have the Oath Rod.” Jaora picked up where Dezamine finished. “We can break the oaths. Only, we need a full consensus and the other Sisters are less... enthusiastic.”

Madienne took a deep breath. Looking around the table, she was the only Grey there. “You want me to convince them. How do you know I don't agree?”

“We know you don't.” Smiled Jaora, “Because Ralyse is against it.”

Well, that settled it really. Was she that obvious? Madienne didn't think her dislike of that woman was that obvious. “In which case, I had better talk to her about it.” She said levelly. “We must be united in this endeavour.” the other Sisters nodded, and the Grey made her way upstairs. The other sisters were sat around another table, where again there was no Grey present. Madienne wished there was another woman there to share her thoughts with, and to work with in this. Ralyse was looking right at her then.

“Are you with us, or against?” She asked sharply, in her usual way.

“I think we should all talk.” Madienne began patiently.

“We're done with talking. This Rod belongs in the Tower! And we shall have it.” There was a resolve in the tone which Madienne did not like.

“You will not have the Rod, woman.” Salin growled. Madienne didn't even realise he was there until he was stood next to her, head and shoulders taller. He wasn't helping at all.

“Ah, little Madienne's lapdog. How quaint. You will not speak unless you are spoken to, Asha'man Salin.” The glow sprung around Ralyse, and Salin was shielded.

“There is no need for this. Release him!” Madienne instructed. The Aes Sedai from downstairs were there now, all with her in the small room.

“What's going on?” Asked Jaora. “What are you doing Madienne?”

“You never were any use.” Ralyse said with that smug smile. “You would sit in the Library for hours, and you never got anywhere. You stumbled through the arches, and accidentally slipped on that shawl. I was so relieved when you chose any colour other than the Brown, though only the Greys would have you and you knew it. Even then, you are an embaressment. You bring shame to your Ajah, and the White Tower. I should have stopped you from ever going into the arches.”

She wasn't hearing this. It was as if she was a Novice staring up at the woman. She was going red and she knew it.

“Madienne! Don't let her speak to you like that.” Hissed Kaelin, though she gave the woman a hard look of worry.

No. She could not let the woman be so rude. But she had to mediate, to stay calm. “There is no need to get personal, Ralyse.” She said, “We have to consider-”

“Child, I have done with speaking. Get out. This is an Aes Sedai's business.” Ralyse pointed to the door. “And leave your Warder to be here. I have some use for him.”

“No.” Surely, she wouldn't. “You're a Brown. You cannot have more than one Warder!”

“Oh?” Ralyse smiled, and Madienne shuddered inside. “Let's test this.”

None of the other women were even doing anything! What was going on? Madienne knew it was up to her. She had to prove herself an Aes Sedai, and stop Ralyse from getting the Oath Rod.

There was a shout from outside.

“Men are channeling.” Salin growled. “It's the Black Tower. They've attacked. We have to do something!”

“The Black Tower is a man's business.” Ralyse sniffed. “Child, go get me something to drink whilst I talk to these silly Aes Sedai about why they are wrong and bond your man. Go quickly, now.”

She stood there and met her gaze. “No.”

The way will come but once. Be steadfast. The arch appeared behind her, in the corridor where the stairs once were.

“Run quickly now, child. Quickly!”

“No!” I cannot let this woman win! She would take her Warder, her status as a Grey and her ranking as an Aes Sedai if she left. She had to hold onto it. She had to control the situation, but it had spiralled away and taken her pride with it. Be steadfast. “Light, this is not fair!”

“No, child, but you should have learned that.”

Madienne could glare all she liked, but Ralyse had won.

“Don't leave me here!” Salin growled, tied to the spot with Air. “Madienne, you're better than this.”

No. the tears flowed as the light smothered her. No I'm not. Ralyse was laughing, and she could hear it even when she was drowning in the heat.

***

I let her beat me. The unfairness, the bloody unfairness of it was enough to draw more heated tears from her eyes. A sudden hand on her shoulder caught her attention; she was kneeling in front of the Amyrlin Seat, and she was pouring water over her. She didn't even remember making her way to the stand again, or the Aes Sedai making their way in. They were all watching her, the latest Accepted.

“You are washed clean of Madienne Serafina from Cairhien. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Madienne Serafina, Accepted of the White Tower.” The ring weighed her finger down; Madienne whimpered at the feel of it. “You are sealed to us now.”