Finally, they stopped in front of two huge unadorned wooden doors. Pushing one open easily, Lacy Sedai motioned for her to follow. Stepping across the doorway, Kieran found herself in a large, domed chamber hewed out of bedrock. In the very centre of the chamber, there stood three rounded, silver arches, just tall enough to walk under, sitting on a thick silver ring with their ends touching where they joined it. An Aes Sedai sat cross-legged on the bare rock before each of the spots where arches joined ring, all three wearing their shawls. Alhanna was the Green sister, ‘she’s been raised’, while the other two Aes Sedai of the Grey and the Brown were unknown to her. Kieran felt saidar being embraced and felt a resonance from the structure, white light filling the spaces in the arches, almost glaring.

The unknown Blue sister in the chamber looked at Lacy Sedai, who then asked, “Are you sure that you want to go on?” Kieran shook her head steadfastly.

“Good,” Lacy Sedai continued. “Now, I will tell you two things no woman hears until she stands where you do. Once you begin, you must go on to the end. Refuse at any point and you will be put out of the Tower just as if you had refused to being for the third time. Second, to seek, to strive, is to know danger. Some women have entered and never come out when the ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet. They were not there and were never seen again. If you will survive, you must be steadfast. Falter, fail and...” The unspoken words hung in the air, deepening her sense of foreboding, but she knew she had to continue. “This is your last chance. Refuse now and it counts only as the first. You may still try twice more. If you accept now, there is no turning back. It is no shame to refuse. Choose,” Lacy Sedai spoke firmly.

‘I want to be Aes Sedai. There is no way I will give up!’ “I accept,” Kieran replied in a determined voice, her voice belying her nervousness.

“Then ready yourself,” the Aes Sedai spoke.

Kieran removed her dress and shift, feeling the cold in the chamber. “Come.” Kieran turned and followed Lacy Sedai towards the arches. The Blue sister intoned, “Whom do you bring with you, sister?”

“One who comes as a candidate for Acceptance, sister.”

“Is she ready?”

“She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.”

“Does she know her fears?”

“She has never faced them, but now is willing.”

“Then let her face what she fears.”

Lacy Sedai spoke once more, “The first time is for what was. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.” Kieran stepped into the blinding light.

She turned to look at her brother laughing. Where am I? The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. It was not her own thought but someone else’s, yet it did not feel out of place. ‘What’s wrong? We’re going to Vestel Shardon’s house to perform today. The silver coins he promised us will sure be useful.’ Kieran had her mind set on revenge and nothing could dissuade her from it. “Come on, sis. What’s got you thinking so much?” her brother asked. “Nothing much. Was just wondering whether you have any interesting songs to add to your repertoire this time,” she replied. “Sure, I just learnt a new song from a gleeman passing by the tavern. Want to hear it?” Before she could say “Never mind,” she found her path blocked by two men. Sensing danger, she turned and saw two more behind her.

Hands in place to draw her knives, she asked, “What can I do for you, sir?” “My Lord wants both of you to perform for him now,” the man in front of her replied gruffly. “Please tell your Lord that we have a prior appointment. Perhaps later tonight?” Kieran replied, trying to be democratic. “If you don’t come, we’ll have to use force then.” As the man in front of her threw a punch, she deftly avoided it and pulled out her knives. Aiming, she threw it, nicking the arm of one as he turned to avoid it. Punches flew fast and furious as she struggled to run away and escape from the men. Then her brother was captured and a further blow to her head, after two to her chest, knocked her out soon after, though she had left several cuts on the men in the process.

Opening her eyes cautiously after she had regained consciousness, she found herself in a room decorated in familiar House colours. “Well, well, who do we have here?” came the familiar, irritating voice and she found herself looking at the all too infamous Lord Beleradon. Nudging her brother, she stared back at him defiantly, noting that her knives were gone and she was tied up rather tightly, “What do you want with us?” “Well, now that I have the last two Quatraine spawn, I’ll never have to see House Quatraine again! Ha! Take them away!” he commanded. Kieran and Tylendel both fully awake by then, heard alarm bells going off in their heads. Men grabbed them both and though they tried desperately to escape their bonds, they were both lugged off in separate directions along the hallway.

Be steadfast. ‘Where did that come from?’ As her brother disappeared in the distance, she found herself being brought down a few stairways to the kitchens. ‘Why the kitchens?’ she thought and when she was let down, she saw the face of the man who had carried her. “Dylan, it’s you,” she said with a start. He had been one of the stableman when she had been Lady Quatraine, and had instructed her on horse riding. “Quick, go before they discover you,” he said to her. “But... I need to save my brother...” she replied. “No. It’s too dangerous,” he replied, grasping her hand. Wringing her hand out of his grasp, she ran back the same way she had been brought, listening out for any shouts that would indicate where her brother would be. Hearing her brother’s screams, she ran in the direction where they were coming from, past many doors and a silver arch and suddenly stopped. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.

‘I just need a few minutes to save my brother. Why now?’ The arch flickered. Her brother just seemed two doors away and her heart jumped as she heard his pleas for help, “Ki, help me! Someone, anyone please help... Argh!” She lifted her foot hesitantly, wondering what she should do. Be steadfast. She closed her eyes and tried to blank out the sound of her brother’s cries, albeit unsuccessfully. Each step she took was heart wrenching, especially the very last step through the silver arch. Light enveloped her, consuming her in her entirety.

She staggered out of the arch, face emotionless but mind filled with wild thoughts. “You are washed clean of what sin you may have done, and of those done against you. You are washed clean and pure, in heart and soul,” intoned the Blue sister as she poured ice-cold water over Kieran. Standing dazed, her mind rambling on, ‘It can’t be true. My brother is still alive. I’m in the White Tower. That did not happen, we were never kidnapped. Lord Beleradon never laid his hands on us...’ Lacy Sedai’s voice, strict, broke her train of thought,” Do you wish to give up now, knowing what it would mean?” “No... Aes Sedai,” Kieran replied, as she walked towards the next arch. “Good. The second time is for what is. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. Kieran walked into the dazzling light, fiercely determined yet unsure. Light burned her to her bones, her bones to ashes.

Be steadfast. Kieran heard a voice going, “Accepted, wait up.” Unsure of who was being called, she looked around and finally down at the Great Serpent ring on her left hand. “Yes, what may I do for you?” she asked the novice who had finally caught up with her. “Lyria Sedai wishes to meet with you after dinner in her rooms, Accepted,” the novice panted breathlessly. “Please inform her that I will be there on time. Thank you,” Kieran replied and she continued down the silent hallways, making her way into the city of Tar Valon.

In the last week, she had made a chance discovery in the city. Apparently, Lord Beleradon had a residence in Tar Valon and he was due to arrive in the city soon for some important matters, or so the maid in the markets said to the maid beside her. Noting the opportunity presented to her, she had followed the maid back to the Beleradon residence and noted the entrances to the mansion, located in a reasonably affluent part of the town but not the richest, where her movements would have been uncommon. Another day, she found that there were no Aes Sedai in residence in the vicinity of the Beleradon residence and a plan began to formulate itself in her head...

Using a weave of invisibility, she explored the mansion one day and noted the study of the Lord as well as the bedroom and the kitchens. It so happened too, that the day the Lord was due to arrive in Tar Valon – this very day - was the day the she had no lessons or prior appointments or other errands. Leaving the Tower unusually early, she crafted a weave of Illusion with saidar, making her look like a middle-aged, well-dressed woman. In the seedier area of town, she scouted for a possible messenger, having crafted a letter proclaiming that the heirs to House Quatraine were still alive, and sealing it with her House seal the previous night. Having found a suitable messenger, one who looked reliable yet would not tell on her, she instructed him to deliver the letter to the Beleradon residence punctually at the third hour after noon and gave him a silver coin, promising him two more later if he completed the errand successfully.

Changing the weave of Illusion to one of an elderly woman later, she tailed the same maid around the market and when she had completed her daily errands, Kieran noted that no Aes Sedai were around before she knocked the maid out and changed into her clothes, weaving another weave of Illusion to make her look exactly like the maid. She then concealed the maid in a convenient location before she went to the Beleradon residence as per the schedule of the maid.

Time passed and soon it was time for tea, which was part of her duties. At the correct time, as she was preparing tea according to instructions given by the cook, another maid answered the door and left for some time. When she returned, she started talking about the weird behaviour of the Lord after she had delivered the letter to his study and Kieran knew her plan had worked, or at least the first part of her plan. After she prepared the tray of tea, she was wished good luck with the Lord, known to be tyrannical in a bad mood, and she made her way up to the Lord’s study.

As Kieran walked up the stairs to her destination, she ran though the plan in her mind again. Upon entering the room and putting down the tray, she would weave a ward around the room and reveal her identity. Having considered his various responses, she would either demand he withdraw his claims to Quatraine lands and cede her a portion of his lands as compensation or force him to do so. After she had gotten what she wanted, she would kill him – secret compartments in Cairhien desks almost always had traps filled with poison of some sort, and make it seem like suicide. Anyway, she had enough evidence that he was a darkfriend or collaborating with the dark, and he was a threat to her life, adequate reasons to justify her killing him. As she neared the study, she heard books crashing to the floor, a sure sign of his anger.

Be steadfast. She looked around and spotted a silver arch filled to the brim with white light next to the door of his study. She had the choice of two doorways but it had always been her goal, to kill Lord Beleradon to avenge her mother and her House. All she needed was five more minutes. ‘Revenge could wait,’ she concluded, placing the tray on the floor. She took a step and was in front of the silver arch. She pondered, ‘It was within her reach, yet... He was sure to come looking for her and Tylendel if she did not exterminate him.’ The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. Her desire was strong, but her mind stronger. Furious, she wove a weave of Fire and touched it to the carpet, setting it aflame as she stepped forward into the light. She flashed incandescent as the Light swallowed her, all consuming.

She stepped out of the silver arch, back straight, infuriated at her experience in the arch, where it was. ‘I will definitely avenge mother!’ she thought determinedly, not noticing, not feeling as cold water drenched her from head to toe. “You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul,” said the Blue sister. Then, Lacy Sedai guided her towards the last arch. “This is the last one child. The third time is for what will be. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.”

Kieran looked at the last silver arch, the glaring white light that filled it. She tried clearing her mind of all thought and focus on the glimmering silver arch. Then she stepped forward across the archway. The light embraced her, slowly, tenderly at first before it penetrated her, searing every fibre of her being, suffocating her. The pain was almost unbearable...

It had been twelve years since Kieran had been raised to Aes Sedai and the Blue had been her undisputed choice with the encouragement of Nefertariamun Sedai. Sitting in her private chambers with Catthou Damodred, her very own Asha’man, she was busy contemplating the problem that had occurred just after she had been raised – the kidnapping of her brother. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. The though suddenly ran through her mind, along with another that had her thinking that she was still a Novice in Novice whites. She glanced down at the Great Serpent ring on her right hand and the silver band on her finger, her engagement ring from Catt, and back at Catt, who smiled back at her.

Somehow, twelve years later, she still felt that the problem that began with her brother’s kidnapping had not been resolved, although her brother had already been released and reinstated as Lord Quatraine. She clearly remembered that just two months after she had been raised, there had been an urgent letter informing her that her brother had been kidnapped soon by a still unknown person after he had made a claim to the Quatraine seat. The ransom had been odd, a detailed family tree of each of Cairhien’s major noble Houses for the past four generations – the Houses with ten slashes on their formal attire or more, including the royal House Damodred – with special instructions to include all Aes Sedai and Asha’man related to the House, be it by bloodline, marriage or post of advisor.

The information had been relatively easy to obtain, especially with access to the Tower Library. While collating the information, Kieran had observed that there were a total of thirteen Aes Sedai still surviving and linked to the twenty odd House, including her, and only one Asha’man, her Catthou. Of the thirteen Aes Sedai, there was at least one from each of the seven Ajah and none with bondmates except her. Kieran personally knew three of them, Violetta Debrask of the Red, Perlyni Ashvram of the Brown and Camille Sejay of the Yellow. The number thirteen had not struck her as odd and though she had tried to think of a reason for such a ransom – her brother had been released unharmed upon its delivery – she failed to think of a significant one. The whole process of collecting the information had actually made her feel like a Brown, she recalled.

Some years later, as she was exploring the subject of darkfriends, she came upon a very alarming fact. With thirteen dreadlords weaving the flows through thirteen Myrddraal, the Dark were able to turn a channeller once of the Light to the Dark, although that last happened in the Trolloc Wars, a few thousand years ago. It was then that she discovered a possible reason for the ransom, yet she had kept close tabs on the other twelve but there had been no abnormal observations either through her network or via conversations with those she knew, in the following years. Meanwhile, her research had taken her to solve the very problem of turning people to the Dark. ‘There had to be a way to turn people to the Light too,’ and based on her conviction, she had explored the possibility of creating Light-sworn constructs and using them in this circle of thirteen as well as for the Great Battle. It had been five years since she had started on her project and it was starting to bear some fruit.

Coming out of her thoughts, she glanced at Catthou and asked, “Want to go to the Library to do more research?” “Sure,” he replied and they made their way to the Library, chatting as they went. However, just two turns and one stairway down, she saw something rather terrifying. ‘Could it be?’ she thought as she saw not one, not two, but all the twelve sisters on the ransom list, lead by another from the Red, ‘or is it Black?’ she thought again. “This way,” she hissed at Catthou, trying to make her way down to the Blue Ajah Halls where she hoped to be able other sisters to aid them, just as the thirteen caught sight of her. The walk then became a chase, as Kieran tried desperately to avoid them.

Then came the other problem. From the other end of the hallway that she had passed through came a command, “Kieran Quatraine, you are wanted by the Amyrlin Seat for abetting the activities of the Dark.” ‘Oh no,’ she thought and she dragged Catthou up another corridor, which ended in one of the Tower’s numerous rooftops, a dead end with two opposing groups of Aes Sedai after her. Kieran sealed and barred the door to the rooftop with Air and Fire, only to watch her weave self-implode as the door shattered and twenty-six Aes Sedai joined on her rooftop.

“Kieran Quatraine. You and Camille Sejay, Violetta... are to be tried for abetting the Dark. Come with me now!” commanded the Aes Sedai, holding up a parchment with what was probably the Amyrlin’s signature. “No! Kieran is coming with us, won’t you Kieran?” the Red sister said in carefully composed tones with a smile on her face. The solution to the whole situation presented itself before her eyes, yet she was almost helpless against the Aes Sedai. Some of them were her friends, Camille, Alexandra, Lydia, and she could not bear to hurt them but...

Making up her mind as the two groups of Aes Sedai continued quarrelling, she wove a ring of Fire around the group of possibly Black Ajah Aes Sedai. Sensing the huge flow of saidar, both groups of Aes Sedai responded, throwing shields of Spirit at her, which Catthou thankfully dispersed with a weave of Fire. And so the battle continued against her. Although some Aes Sedai were attacking the group of dreadlords, she was still the main target. Even with the angreal in her waist pouch and Catthou by her side to help her, she was starting to feel rapidly exhausted and so was Catthou as she sensed through the bond. A sudden miscalculation then left her shielded and before she could reach for her knives, both her hands and Catthou’s hands had been bound.

‘If only they had cooperated... If I could subdue the rogue Aes Sedai, I could have explained the whole situation to the Amyrlin and tried my solution to turn them to the Light,’ she thought. The way back will come but once. Be steadfast. “So Kieran, what do you have to say now?” said one Aes Sedai, before the conflict restarted as both groups vied for the right to take her away. Be steadfast. The thought echoed in her mind, causing her to look around. Nothing seemed unusual... except for the silver arch of white light lying midway between the ground and the rooftop.

Thoughts ran through her mind like wildfire. ‘I need more time. I must save my sisters. What will happen to Catthou? They will still him for sure. There is such an obvious solution, why hasn’t Alex or Lydia picked it up yet? I just can’t leave them like this...’ Frantically, she watched as the archway faded slightly and grew solid again as she willed it to return while the battle raged on, wounds on both sides increasing, her sisters falling one by one. What of her reputation? The reputation of her House? Tylendel, her dear brother? Catthou, her beloved? If she survived, she would be able to put everything back in order again, like the time her mother had died but... Be steadfast.

Turning away from the ongoing battle, she bent forward and kissed Catthou on the lips. Then though very hesitant, she threw herself over the parapet impulsively, knowing that she would not be able to do so if she stayed any longer. Seeing the tears on Catt’s face, the last thought in her mind, the importance of herself to herself and her world, the last feelings of pain, anguish, and guilt as she fell...

Light burnt her to the depths of her existence, lava hot like the saidar she had embraced. It reduced her to ashes, dust, particles in the all-devouring light. She was part of the light, consumed and never to return to what she had been...

Kieran fell out of the arch, collapsing on the floor in an ungainly posture. ‘How can I wash away the guilt, the anguish of abandoning...’ She was so lost in her own thoughts that only a prod from Lacy Sedai returned her to her senses. Everyone in the chamber seemed to be waiting for her as she hurriedly knelt before the regal figure in the seven-striped stole.

The Amyrlin emptied the silver chalice of water slowly over her head. “You are washed clean of Kieran Quatraine from Cairhien. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You come washed clean, in heart and soul. You are Kieran Quatraine, Accepted of the White Tower. You are sealed to us, now.” Her tears mingled with the water and upon on the completion of the last sentence, Kieran raised her left hand, trembling, and the Amyrlin slipped the Great Serpent ring onto her third finger. Then she felt herself being helped up and given a towel. Lacy Sedai stood by her as she watched the happenings in a daze and when she was dry, she was given the white Accepted dress with seven rings banded at the bottom. Finally, still in a daze, she was returned her belongings and escorted to her new room, with the things in her old room all present there.

Once the door was shut, the memories came back in a flood: abandoning her brother, leaving behind the perfect chance for her revenge, Alexandra wounded yet grimly fighting on, Camille hitting the stone floor with a dull thud, Catthou’s tears... Feeling something in her right hand, clenched all this while, she opened it and saw a silver band, her memories providing its identity, her engagement ring from Catthou. ‘How could she have abandoned him?’ she berated herself. Tears flowed, flowed until she did not seem to have any more tears left to weep and finally, she slept. A dreamless sleep and she would awake the next morning, as Kieran Quatraine, Accepted of the White Tower.