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Mind Games
by Filaree Hashan, Liselea al'Kara, Merith Skyfall
It all still seems like only a dream, something that is there and gone in the blink of an eye, and you are left wondering what exactly happened. Why did I fight for so long? We all knew that it was inevitable, but I, in my stubborn pride, believed that I could defy fate. In truth, all I wanted was an answer, else I would have accepted her offer long ago. All I wanted was a reason why. Was that so much to ask? Apparently, according to Lislea, it was indeed, but I could only dance around the wheel for so long before I would become entangled in, not only my own pattern, but the patterns of two others. We are all entertwined now, tangled in a complicated knot that I have no desire to work loose. I am only one woman, and perhaps some good may come of this. Then again, it might also prove to be my downfall.
Lislea...what are you thinking?
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Whatever had possessed Filaree to venture out into the city so early in the morning was a mystery. Still, she had done so, and where would she go? To the only place truely worth visiting. Her well known haunt, the Gholam Inn. She didn't expect anyong to be there so early, save for perhaps the inn staff. So her surprise came quickly, though her face revealed no evidence of this, when she stepped through the front door to see the last two people she had wanted to see at this particular point in time.
The only thing she could do was to put on her game face and play things as safely as possible. Lislea was an unpredictable woman, and she delighted in playing mind games with Filaree. Well, Filaree would provide a decent enough match for the mtysterious White. She always did. Somewhere, deep inside the Saldaean, she enjoyed their word play. Sometimes, spars could be fought with more than just weapons. Although, one would not think as much from the Mistress of Arms. Oh no. For all they knew, Filaree was an uneducated brute who resorted to force whenever she saw fit. It was true that Filaree was not the most literate person in the world. In her practical mind, she did not see a need for learning to read. However, her math skills were something to be admired. She was a business woman after all, and it would have been very easy to cheat her if she did not at least know how to count. Yes, her reading skills were much to be desired, but she certainly made up for it with math and business skills.
"Morning Filaree." Came Merith's voice first, and then less than a heartbeat later, came Lislea's echo, as the Saldaean stepped through with her hands stuffed into her pockets and whistling tunelessly. Filaree kept her face impassive when they spoke, hoping to remain as aloof as possible, and only nodded her head briefly with a quietly muttered, "Mornin'." in reply to their greeting, pretending to ignore the little shake of the head and the smirk she could have sworn Merith revealed. She wasn't exactly in a bad mood this morning, but nor was she in a good mood. She would much rather be left alone, but somehow, she knew that it would not happen, not with Lislea around anyway. And she did not disappoint her.
Lislea ran a finger across the rim of her cup. "Are you busy this morn, Mistress Filaree?"
Filaree shrugged her shoulders in that non-chalant way of hers and made a straight line for the bar.
"That all depends.."
"Depends on what?"
Merith pointed to his empty mug as the serving maid passed, recieved a nod, then turned his attention back to Filaree. Filaree shrugged again and leaned against the bar, folding her arms atop it and lowering her head as though taking a moment to think. After a few heartbeats, she lifted it again and answered Lislea's question.
"On what you want."
"Would you deny me?"
Filaree slowly turned around and leaned back so that her elbows were propped back on the bar and her legs stretched out before her. She then popped her neck on one side, then the other.
"I might, but you won't know unless you ask and find out."
Lislea smiled slightly.
"And what if I asked you to lay down your life?"
"I have already made that promise when I decided to become a Siswai. My life belongs to the White Tower and all its Aes Sedai. It is pointless to ask what I have already decided to do."
"What if I asked you to break that promise... or rather, alter it?"
Merith sipped his refilled water.
Filaree quirked that brow again and finally decided to look at Lislea.
"What would you have me do, Aes Sedai?"
"An oath, Ashanderai."
"I've made many an oath, Aes Sedai, and each one is as equally binding as the last. One more should not hurt....depending on the oath."
Filaree eyed the Aes Sedai warily now, as though suspecting her of foul play. And so the game began.
"Do you trust me, Filaree?"
Merith sipped his water still, watching Filaree and Lislea.
"You are an Aes Sedai. It is my duty to protect all Aes Sedai and initiates within the White Tower."
"I did not ask that. I asked if you trusted me."
"Do you trust me?"
"I have always trusted you."
"Why?"
" Should not I be the one asking you that?"
" I have not said whether I trust you or not."
"Indeed you have not. Yet I have trusted you with my life several times. But if that is not good enough..."
Merith shook his head and sipped his water, it was like a pair of peacocks circling.
"I believe you." Filaree continued with her own little dance. This was not a rare occurance between she and Lislea. It was almost...enjoyable to banter like this. She already knew her answer, but she was not about to reveal it until Lislea told her what she wanted to know. "I only want to know why, when I've given you no reason to."
"My reasons... rarely have anything to do with anything." Lislea tilted her head. "Besides, whether I like it or not, you have protected me even when you would rather I not exist."
"I have my duties, Aes Sedai."
Merith emptied his water, "That we all do."
"You have still not answered my question. Do you trust me?"
Filaree pursed her lips and drummed her fingers on the edge of the bar as she appeared to put a great deal of thought into this before shrugging her shoulders.
"I trust you enough not to mistreat that Warder of yours don't I? What do you think?"
Lislea smirked. "I do not know. What do I think?"
"You're the all knowing Aes Sedai."
"Oh, but do enlighten me."
"I do not know the inner workings of the Aes Sedai mind."
"Care to try?"
Merith looked from one to the other, this was getting old.... fast.
Filaree shrugged again and tilted her head to one side as though trying to get a better look of the White Sister.
"I think...that you already know my answer, but you want to hear it from my own lips."
"And if I do? I doubt you have said it out loud, even to yourself."
"Your words say that you already know my answer, so why should I speak it aloud?"
"Because I think you need to hear it from your own lips."
"Why would I need to hear it? I know my own thoughts and feelings. I do not have to voice them."
Lislea shrugged. "There is nothing like hearing the words. You should know that."
Filaree made a face and rolled her eyes, then she ducked her head and muttered under her breath in a barely audible tone, as though she were reluctantly grumbling. Burn that bloody woman to the flaming pit and back! "Fine...I trust you."
"What did you say?" Lislea prodded. Bloody meddling Aes Sedai.
Merith reached over and used a finger to lift Filaree's chin slightly, an eyebrow raised.
Filaree blinked and scowled at Merith, giving him a glare that said she didn't ask for his interference.
Lislea gave Merith a look, as if to say this was between them.
Filaree pulled her head back and tossed her head with a sniff and speaks louder in a snappish tone.
"I said I bloody trust you Lislea. Are you happy now?"
Lislea smirked. "Quite."
Merith shook his head and rose, it was not just between them, not after today...
Filaree clucked her tongue and rolled her eyes. She then shook her head and gruffly ordered some brandy to start her day.
Lislea began to turn towards her kaf before suddenly snapping her fingers.
"I nearly forgot."
Filaree glanced at the Aes Sedai from the corner of her eye and smirked. What did the bloody wench want now?
Lislea turned back towards Filaree, suddenly serious again. "Filaree, do you have any plans for today?"
Filaree blinked and raised her eyebrow once more, though her smirk remained. Sometimes, these mind games were amusing....sometimes. "What would you ask of me, Aes Sedai?"
"Would you accept a bond, Ashandarei?"
Filaree nearly spewed out her recently aqcuired Brandy and blinked at Lislea as though she'd completely lost her mind.
"You don't give up do you? haven't we been through this numerous times before? What makes you think I'll change my answer now?"
Merith streatched his shoulders, "Because its time you did."
"An Aes Sedai would be lucky to hold your bond." Came Lislea's response, on the tail end of Merith's. Filaree pointedly ignored Merith's comment since this was none of his bloody business.
She was beginning to feel like a cornered animal, but she was having trouble deciding whether it was best to fight 'til the end, or give in. Her pride was a hard thing to shatter, and so she decided that she would not give up just yet. Not yet. Not until she had her answer. Merith moved away from the bar, and over to one of the ceiling supports. Pushing the strutting pair out of his mind he began working unarmed forms with the ceiling support as his target, never actually hitting the wood simply to save Lislea the pain. He started working on another good sweat for the morning. Meanwhile, the battle between the Mistress of Arms and the White Sister continued.
"You already have a capable Warder."
"He does have a point, you know. However...that is not why I ask."
"Why do you ask?"
"Why do you think?"
"It's your turn to answer the question, Lislea."
"I believe it is your turn to answer first, Filaree."
"I cannot answer a question I do not know. You have yet to reveal you reasons for wanting to bond."
Merith grunted as his bad knee bent in a direction knees were not designed to bend in. He took the weight off it slightly, and continued his forms."
Lislea took a deep breath. "Fine. Which reason would you like?"
"I would preffer the unmasked truth."
"The truth." Lislea began.
"One, there will never be another soul who would compliment Merith's fighting skills that he would trust half as much as he does you. Two, I would rather have two people I trust with my life around me when everything goes to hell than rely on some half-wit who does not know a Warder from a washtub.
Three...Well, I could tell you that the Wheel spun prophecies to direct us all on our correct paths, but that would be silly. I seek help for myself to rid what I can of the Darkness before my time comes."
Lislea leaned back and cradled her kaf. "Ask again, Filaree. I shall answer."
Filaree fell silent for what seemed like hours as she stared into her untouched brandy and furrowed her brow as though in deep thought. She kept her eyes on her brandy when she spoke again, though with a wry smirk on her face and amusement in her voice. Always wearing the mask. Finally, the woman had revealed what she'd wanted to hear. Has the Aes Sedai not been so stubborn, she would have accepted her offer long ago, but, much as Filaree hated to admit it, the two of them were very much alike. Yet, they were also worlds apart.
"You are a puzzle, Lislea, an enigma that even I am hard pressed to solve. It might be thrilling to see what I can discover in the mystery that is you....a bond....might just do the trick."
Merith ended his forms by slamming a palm heel against the support, hard enough to shake a bit of dust from the rafters. Lislea tried hard not to glare in Merith's direction as dust fell silently around her.
Filaree blinked and glanced oddly at Merith.
Lislea raises an eyebrow. "Is that so?"
"Filaree shrugged and glanced back at Lislea with a genuine smile for once. "Yes...that's so. You're a troublesome woman, Lislea...but I see the logic in your reasoning. In truth, there is no reason why I should not accept."
Lislea smirked. "I am told that is one of my most annoying qualities."
Merith pulled his hand back and let his shoulders sag slightly, brushing dust off his face in vain since the sweat there was already well at work at making it stick.
"Mmm...indeed." Filaree smirked as well and finally took a sip of her brandy before setting it down on the bar and pushing herself away from it. Without a word, she drew her saber from its scabbard and turned to face Lislea, holding the blade up vertically and parallel to her face in a form of salute.
Lislea rose from her seat with all the grace of her coughcough years, meeting Filaree's gaze.
"My sword, my service, my life...are yours Lislea Sedai. Do with them what you will. By the Light and my only hope of Salvation and Rebirth, I do pledge my oath that I will serve and protect by whatever means neccissary."
Filaree then smiled as she turned the sword downward and dropped to one knee, sticking the tip of the blade into the floorboards and holding both hands over the pommel.
Merith grumbled at the dust on his arms and head and moved into the kitchen, keeping half an eye on the bonding that was about to commence. He returned, wiping himself down with a damp rag.
Lislea allowed herself to return the smile, embrasing Saidar and placing one hand lightly on Filaree's head. "By the Light and my hope of salvation, I swear to you, Filaree Hashan, to uphold my oaths to thee." Closing her eyes, she gently allowed the weave to settle between them.
Merith managed to get the majority of the dust off, and picked up his fancloth, watching the pair, half expecting some sense of Filaree to jump into his head, even though he knew such a thing should not happen.
Lislea opened her eyes, a small smirk on her face. "My life is in your hands, Gaidar."
Filaree bowed her head through the whole ordeal, her fingers tightening around the pommel of her sword when she felt something slide over her, and then she remained in that position with a puzzled expression on her face at the feel of a knot of...something...in the back of her head...It was a strange feeling. Very strange.
She blinks a few times before finally lifting her head and nodding it slowly.
"And I shall defend it 'til the death, or until we win the Last Battle...and then after."
Merith waited until Lislea pulled her hands back and then snapped open his fancloth cloak, and settled it around Filaree's shoulders, "You're going to require one of these."
Lislea puzzled through the new knot of emotions in her mind, a frown filtering through, but waving it away for a time when they were not hard pressed. Then, she stepped back slightly. "Rise, Gaidar. We have much work to do... and the floor is littered with dust anyway."
Filaree reached up to lay her hand upon the fabric of the cloak, still maintaining that thoughtful expression as her fingers toyed with the cloth absently. Then finally, she rose and returned her sword to its scabbard.
Merith murmured under his breath as he grasped his cane, "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
Lislea raised an eyebrow at Merith's mutters, but decided not to comment.
"Back to the sewing maching, I suppose." Oh how she hated those bloody needles. At least tel'angreal were easier to work with.
"Sewing...right." Filaree half chuckled as she drew the cloak further around her and smiled at her Aes Sedai...her Aes Sedai.
Merith opened his mouth as if to say something, but the word died on his tongue, he could not, and would not call her that.... ever. Shaking his head slightly he shrugged, "Consider that one yours, at least until Lislea can fashion you one of your own Filaree. I've got a spare or two."
He didn't mention to her that that particular fancloth wasn't technically his, it was Dev'Kal's, the one he'd laid on his shoulders when he was bonded. It had only seemed right.
Lislea smirked as she recognized the cloak. "On the other hand, I think it suits her rather well."
Filaree raised a brow after returning to the bar and taking up her brandy again. She was gradually recovering from the shock, while still musing over this knot of emotions. "Does it really? Seems a bit big, but then again, I don't exactly wear my clothing tight."
Merith glanced at Lislea, "That it does, though I think your just trying to get outta more work..."
Lislea sniffed, and pulled her braid across her shoulder.
Filaree chuckled quietly as she arranged the cloak so that she didn't trip over the pool of fabic it seemed to create on the floor.
Merith glanced at the foot or so of train Filaree had,
"Whatever you end up doing Filaree... don't hem it up."
Lislea followed suit, deciding she had best finish that muffin before her other Warder decided she was hungry. She smiled at the thought.
Filaree laughed and saluted with her glass. "I wouldn't dream of it."
Merith nodded and shook his head.
"You probably wouldn't dare wear it if I told you either."
Lislea giggled, before realizing what she's doing. Wrinkling her nose, she resigned herself to rebuilding her emotions once more.
Merith raised an eyebrow, "You know... thats a sound not heard often enough from you."
Lislea gave Merith a flat look. "Is that so."
Dev'kal made his way to the second story landing and glanced around, "I thought I heard a commotion down here..."
Merith glanced at Lislea and smiled and shrugged before glancing up the stair, "Morning Dev'Kal."
Filaree glanced up toward the landing and tries very hard not to grin from ear to ear, so she just waves instead. "Welcome to the festivities, old man."
Lislea looked up and barely kept herself from rolling her eyes. "Good morning, Dev'kal. That was your grandson pounding on the ceiling a bit ago."
Dev'kal raised an eyebrow at the wave, and made his way down the stairs, "Aye, I guessed that. You don't exactly have the build for it, if you'll excuse my saying so." He glanced at Filaree, "I'd tell you it was about time Gaidar... but it appears the time was just right..."
Merith chuckled softly, and leans against the bar.
Lislea snorted, but smirked at the echo of her thoughts.
Filaree smirked and shrugged her shoulders. "Timing is everything it seems. It would have happened eventually, whether I wanted it to or not."
Dev'kal nodded slightly and then, stepping infront of Filaree, bowed ever so slightly at the waist, "And now I should tell you that I join my fellow Gaidin in supporting you. Where you lead the Tower's Gaidin, we certainly shall follow, Mistress."
Taking the seriousness out of his voice he glanced at the cloak's collar,
"I wish I could stay longer, but duty calls, but I will tell your Seamstress her work continues to hold up. She'll be glad to know it." Flourishing his cloak slightly he made his way towards the door.
Filaree smirked and nodded her head respectfully. "Take care Dev."
Dev chuckled as he paused at the door, "Take care of Lislea, and watch Merith's back... I'm sure he'll watch yours."
Lislea chuckled and shook her head. "Fare ye well, Dev'kal. Same to Jendaia."
Dev laughed as he left. He could tell, Jendaia was already cursing the hall, and the sun hadn't gone past midmorning yet.
Lislea smiled and leaned back as he left. "It is reminders like that that make me happy I am no longer a Sitter of the Hall."
"How lucky for you." Filaree muttered dryly.
"Merith smirked, "You miss it at times though..."
Lislea smirked at Filaree. "Aye, it has its rewards. Every blue moon or two."
Filaree tipped her brandy glass back to finish off the contents, then set it down on the bar, followed by a couple coins, then she took up the tail of her cloak and draped it over one arm for better movement.
"Off to the yards?" Merith inquired.
Lislea twitched in amusement at the action, and resolved to go straight to that silly tel'angreal right after she finished breakfast/lunch.
Filaree nodded her head slowly as she toyed with the fabric once again.
"Try not to let the twits get to you, Gaidar." Lislea smirked in slight sympathy.
"Those welps won't know their tail from their nose come morning if I'm not there to tell them the difference." Filaree quipped with a light dancing in her dark eyes and an amused grin etched upon her face. Why she felt so...pleasent, she knew not. Only that it was so, and it might throw some of the Siswai off guard. Good.
Merith smirked, "She's going to spend most of the day putting thier eyes back in thier heads."
"Filaree laughed and winked at Merith. "Putting it lightly, yes."
Lislea chuckled. "Ah to be young again."
Merith snorted and poked Lislea in the ribs lightly, "I don't have any grey hairs, so you aren't old."
Filaree snorted as well and rolled her eyes, then she started for the door, pausing briefly to glance at Merith. "I trust you'll keep her out of trouble while I'm away."
Lislea tried to look innocent and offended, and failed miserably.
Merith nodded, "Of course."
Lislea nodded to Filaree. "Take care of yourself in the meantime as well."
"I always do..." Filaree spared another wink and then moved on out the door, oversized cloak and all, and just before she stepped out the door, she could hear a couple amusing snippets from her fellow bondmates.
Merith sighs and leaned against the bar and then focused on the bond... and for a moment, caught a twitch... that wasn't Lislea, or at least not wholely her. "Interesting."
Lislea smirked as she left before shaking her head and turning to Merith.
"I really do need to make her another cloak...."
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